dear clusterflock

I don’t mean to go around hawking my wares, but this seemed so relevant and useful to you personally that I thought it would be wrong not to share it. Please keep in mind that I am financially involved with this offer, but even so I think you’ll find I was right to share this marvelous opportunity with you today.

Well now here I’ve wasted a lot of your time with technicalities and jibber jabber, I’ll come to my point quickly. Let me ask you just one question:

Have you ever wanted to have a spleen named after you?

23 thoughts on “dear clusterflock

  1. Dave Vogt Post author

    This is my little out-of-character area here:
    I know. I know it wasn’t Sisyphus who has his liver eaten out every day, but we don’t have a “Promethean” category now do we?

    I’m thinking about naming rights in 5-year increments up to 25, and day sponsorships a la NPR (at least on WAMU).

  2. Deron Bauman

    Etymology and cultural views

    The connection between spleen (the organ) and melancholy (the temperament) comes from the humoral medicine of the ancient Greeks. One of the humours (body fluid) was the black bile, secreted by the spleen organ and associated with melancholy. In contrast, the Talmud (tractate Berachoth 61b) refers to the spleen as the organ of laughter while possibly suggesting a link with the humoral view of the organ. In the eighteenth- and nineteenth-century England, women in bad humour were said to be afflicted by the spleen, or the vapours of the spleen. In modern English, “to vent one’s spleen” means to vent one’s anger, e.g. by shouting, and can be applied to both males and females. Similarly, the English term “splenetic” is used to describe a person in a foul mood.

  3. Rick Neece

    Could I have a spleen named for someone I love? Would it be bottled or still in its possessor?

  4. Sheila Ryan

    Deron beat me to it. I was meditating on my splenetic nature and thinking, Yes.

    Question: Do I have to use my real name? I mean, will my namesake spleen be given my legal name or is one of my pseudonyms acceptable?

    I kind of like the idea of a spleen named Cirinda.

  5. Sheila Ryan

    Rick, we would totally use a Promethean category. ‘Cause, you know, Prometheus (the Bringer of Fire) is close cousin to Lucifer (the Light-Giver). Both rebel angels.

  6. Dave Vogt Post author

    Well, these are “naming deals” like you’ll commonly see on race cars and sport stadiums. You may attach whatever name you like (subject to approval by the relevant municipal authority) to the organ in question. Small intestines available by the inch, with discounts for increments of 10% of the total length. Adopt a highway!

  7. Rick Neece

    Auctions of inches of intestine could have been a thriving entrepreneurial venture in Elizabethan England. Ah me, always a day late.

  8. Sheila Ryan

    Ah, so Acme Archival Services, LLC could sponsor an intestinal stretch, as could The Greensman. And on and on, foot after foot after foot.

    I am thinking that if we all chip in, clusterflock could sponsor a small organ. Like a gall bladder.

  9. Rick Neece

    I haven’t been to the doctor yet, but I might have a gall bladder up for adoption. I’ve had a recurring pain for the last couple of weeks. Practically at the surface of the skin just below my ribcage and barely to the right of the base of my sternum.

    Either that or an inguinal hernia?

    I’ve decided to see the doctor this week.

  10. Rick Neece

    Me, too, Deron. Thanks for the good hope. I hope it’s nothing that can’t be taken care of.

  11. Michael Grant Smith

    I want to name Rick’s inguinal hernia after somebody I really detest, but I loathe a lot of people and Rick has only one hernia (and it may turn out to be acid reflux, and not worthy of naming at all).

  12. Sheila Ryan

    I’m thinking maybe you could name your acid reflux. You could do like George Foreman with his sons: George Jr., George III, George IV, George V, George VI . . . .

  13. Rick Neece

    If I have an inguinal hernia, let’s call it Newt. Hell, if I have a gall bladder that needs to come out, let’s call it Newt, too.

  14. Rick Neece

    If it’s a gall bladder, I’ll ask to have it preserved in a bottle. I’ll offer it to the highest bidder.

  15. Rick Neece

    Update: The doctor said (after poking and prodding and asking questions), “You may have strained a ligament between a rib and your sternum, near your Ziphoid Process.” If it doesn’t abate (it is abating) within two or three weeks, we’ll look further.”

  16. Rick Neece

    I told her, “I probably strained it by gaining 16 pounds since Thanksgiving, then bending over to tie my shoes.”

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