February 20, 2012

Final Post

Site Politics. It’s odd to think of how close a group of people can become by way of a site–when so many kinds of distance offer cover, or a new path. One thing that struck home to me this year is the fact that among a small group of friends, several can have the worst year of their lives all at the same time. A person may think he or she is the only one around having it so bad, and then find that others are hurting as well. For me, the telling thing is: what does this knowledge that a friend is suffering do to one who is also suffering? In some, the thought that rises is–nobody could have it as bad as I do, and I don’t have time to take care of anybody but me.

One of the many things that makes Cindy the most remarkable person I have ever known is this: even if she is near death (no hyperbole here; last year brought serious illness and crushing psychological strain), even when she must struggle to meet each new day, she will go to a person in need and do her best to bring comfort and help. What I can’t abide when this happens is the injustice of her being thanked profusely–and then being cast aside, reviled suddenly without explanation. It’s as if such a friend, knowing Cindy’s own pain, knowing of her own fragile grip on life, were to say–I’m hurt, so you can go die now.

Please indulge my relentless aphorizing one last time: Blame is a room that only gets smaller, and the only way out is a desire to treat others well.

I have been so lucky to meet many lovely, bright, and loving people among all of you flockers. I won’t forget the faces that all seem so near me now. And I wish you all good things.


  1. Casey Cichowicz on February 20th, 2012 at 11:02 pm

    Thank you Daryl. I have been thinking about the post you referenced earlier, and decided, for what it’s worth, that it’s something I don’t need to know about. I figure my knowing about the personal conflict isn’t going to do anyone much good. I’m going to trust that whatever happened, it still involves people who are fundamentally good, but with faults and failings, miscommunications, self-interests, blind spots, etc. I do wish this hadn’t happened — even as a new and only occasional contributor, I feel quite a kinship with the folks here and am very sorry to see things become so strained, and to see Cindy and Daryl leave. I wish you both the best.

  2. Joel Bernstein on February 20th, 2012 at 11:09 pm

    ^^ That

  3. Sheila Ryan on February 20th, 2012 at 11:57 pm

    What comes to mind is this aphorism from a man I’ve lived with off and on for twenty years. He is wont to observe, “Each one’s hell is worse than everyone else’s. That can’t be true, yet it is.” How we act in the face of that knowledge (if indeed it holds true) is the hard part.

  4. Carole Corlew on February 21st, 2012 at 12:40 am

    I just can’t help it. I want to FIX this. Diplomacy, manipulation, holding my breath…

  5. Christopher Walken on February 22nd, 2012 at 5:01 am

    Hey Clusterflockers,

    Realize y’all are hurting.

    I’ve been a really close friend of my uncle’s since I was a teenager (and I ain’t no teenager by a long shot these days). He and I got in a serious eff-you-i’ll-never-utter-yer-profane-name fight ten odd years ago.

    I, of course, thought he was dead wrong, and probably with good reason, though he’d with equally good reason be able to say the same of me.

    But that conviction ate me up, screwed me up over the next few years. Until I let that go (and lordy, was that a heifer), I was miserable and inward looking.

    My uncle and I now make art again together. You clusterflockers, you make magnificent stuff as a collective. Be nice to each other.

  6. Rick Neece on February 22nd, 2012 at 9:15 pm

    Hey Cristopher? Who cried “uncle” first, at the end of your ten-year stand-off? To quote my own uncle, wrestling me, “Someone has to give.

    Who gave? Is one weaker for having given?

  7. Rick Neece on February 22nd, 2012 at 9:18 pm

    Being nice is a dainty way to put it.

  8. Robert Ledgerwood on February 23rd, 2012 at 11:11 am

    I believe “giving” is the stronger stance, though I would hesitate to say either party would be “weak”. These things happen and whether they are reconciled is up to those involved. I agree with what Casey has said; none of this is my business. While I hope that whatever has happened can be reconciled, I think the best stance for all those not involved is to offer support in any degree for both sides.

    I told Deron recently that you guys are like family, and I meant that. I may not be an official flocker, and I personally prefer staying in the comments. This site, whether I’ve been actively engaged or distantly observing, has been a part of my life for so long I don’t remember a time before Clusterflock.

    I love you all, and I hope everyone is doing well, regardless of circumstance.