Nick “Honey Badger” Cummins is the man the Waratahs need to stop if they want to defeat the Force.
posted by Derek White in animals, fuck all y'all | * | 8 comments
This is Nick Cummins. Watch him run in slow motion. He’s pretty bad-ass. Look, he’s runs all over the place. “Woah, watch out!” says that bird. Ew he’s got a snake? Oh, he’s chasing a jackal? Oh my gosh! Oh Nick Cummins is just crazy! Nick Cummins has been referred to by the Guinness Book of World Records as the most fearless animal in all the animal kingdom. He really doesn’t give a shit. If he’s hungry, he’s hungr-ew what’s that in his mouth! Oh he’s got a cobra? Oh he runs backwards? Now watch this, look, a snake’s up in a tree. Nick Cummins don’t care. Nick Cummins don’t give a shit, he just takes what he wants. Whenever he’s hungry he just- ew! And he eats the snakes. Oh my God watch him dig. Look at that digging. Nick Cummins is really pretty bad-ass. He has no regard for any other animal whatsoever. Look at him just grunting and- ew! Eating snakes! Ew what’s that, a mouse? Oh that’s nasty. Oh, he’s so nasty! Oo look! He’s chasing things, and eating them.
Nick Cummins has a fairly long body, but a distinctly thick set, broad shoulders, and you know, his, his skin is loose, allowing him to move about freely, and he twists around. Now look, here’s a house full of bees. You think Nick Cummins cares? He doesn’t give a shit. He goes right in to the house of bees to get some larvae. How disgusting is that? He eats larvae. Ew, that’s so nasty. But look, Nick Cummins doesn’t care, he’s getting stung like a thousand times. He doesn’t give a shit, he just, he’s hungry. He doesn’t care about being stung by bees. Nothing can stop Nick Cummins when he’s hungry. Oh what a crazy fuck! Look! Ew, he’s eating larvae, that’s disgusting. There he is running in slow motion again. See, now what’s interesting is that other, other animals like these birds here the just like to wait around until Nick Cummins is done eating and then it swoops in to pick up the scraps. It says, “You do all the work for us Nick Cummins and we’ll just eat whatever you find, how’s that? What do you say, stupid?” Look at this bird. “Thanks for the treat, stupid!” “Hey, come back here” says Nick Cummins. Birds don’t care, and you know what, the jackals do it, too. Look at these little dogs. They’re like, “Thanks, Stupid! Thanks for the mouse! See ya later!” Nick Cummins does all the work while these other animals just pick up the scraps.
At night time, Nick Cummins goes hunting, cuz he’s hungry. Look! Here comes a fierce battle between a king cobra and Nick Cummins. I wonder what will happen. Look at this, there’s Nick Cummins just eating a mouse. And then look. “Get away from me!” says the snake, “Get away from me!” Nick Cummins don’t care. Nick Cummins smacks the shit out of him. The snake comes back and it lashes right at Nick Cummins. Oh! Little does Nick Cummins know, FYI, he’s been stung! He’s been bitten by the snake, so while he’s eating the snake- ew, that’s disgusting- meanwhile the poisonous venom is seeping through Nick Cummins’ body, and he passes out. Look at that sleepy fuck. Now Nick Cummins just gonna pass out for a few minutes and then he’s gonna get right back up and start eating all over again, cuz he’s a hungry little bastard. Look at this! Like nothing even happened, Nick Cummins gets right back up and continues eating the cobra! How disgusting. And of course, what does Nick Cummins have to eat for the next few weeks? Cobra. Nick Cummins.
Spew! I’m disgusted, Joel.
Nick Cummins eats larvae.
Nick Cummins has a fairly long body, but a distinctly thick set, broad shoulders, and you know, his, his skin is loose, allowing him to move about freely, and he twists around.
Look at him just grunting!
Nick Cummins doesn’t give a shit.