June 14, 2012

dear clusterflock

What do you recommend?

My week so far has stunk big-time. So I formed a plan.

Many things lie outside my control, I know, but my skull is my own. I am going to drill a hole in my skull into which I will pour something refreshing. And I will be a new and improved me no matter what Fate, that saucy trickster, has up her sleeve.

Citrus-infused fizzy water is a possibility. Do you recommend anything else I might pour into the hole I drill in my skull?

comments

  1. Casey Cichowicz on June 14th, 2012 at 1:31 pm

    I’m sorry to hear it. I recommend finding a friend to help with the trepanning, as I often pass out before I can get anything refreshing in there, and wake up even more stressed.

  2. Sheila Ryan on June 14th, 2012 at 1:59 pm

    Years ago, a pre-med student in Madison got it into his head to operate on himself in his dorm room in an effort to quell disturbing sexual feelings. (I have no idea.) He did pretty well till he began to retract this own liver. That’s where he seemed to have been when he passed out.

  3. Sheila Ryan on June 14th, 2012 at 2:03 pm

    Maybe I’ll toss in a handful of Pop Rocks and follow up with a wad of Black Cat Ladycrackers. If I wind up with a hangover, there’s always Alka-Seltzer.

  4. Joel Bernstein on June 14th, 2012 at 3:42 pm
  5. Sheila Ryan on June 14th, 2012 at 4:15 pm

    “The result is awesome.”

  6. Michael Grant Smith on June 14th, 2012 at 8:02 pm

    Carolina mustard ‘n’ vinegar barbecue sauce. Because it makes everything better.

  7. Sheila Ryan on June 14th, 2012 at 8:29 pm

    A squirt of mustard and a splash of vinegar do make everything better. Do wonders for my sorry limp brain.

  8. Sheila Ryan on June 14th, 2012 at 8:30 pm

    “This is your brain in Carolina barbecue sauce.”

  9. SC on June 15th, 2012 at 12:46 am

    Do not drill holes in your head and put stuff in the hole.

    Don’t do that. How do you think the zombie plague started? Some off-brand energy drink irradiated at Fukushima and a couple of mentos is all it took.

  10. Michael Grant Smith on June 15th, 2012 at 6:12 am

    We’re gonna need more holes.

  11. Derek White on June 19th, 2012 at 1:24 pm

    aquavit