July 27, 2012
Rust. Irony can be found in iron itself. The carpet is not made of felt; the gray fibers are compressed years of fur, soil, and traffic. We organize a backyard BBQ and everyone brings potato salad. All of the potato salad is contaminated with e coli. What are the odds of that happening? You negotiated a 30% discount for your new tattoos but the artist used beige ink exclusively. Beyond normal expectations, we got it right! Unfortunately we are unable to locate, recognize, or analyze the data.
I want the job more than anything I’ve desired since the start of this conversation, but getting up at 11:00 in the morning is unreasonable. You pushed and the door said “Pull.” There are at least a dozen examples of why this is a false assumption. It’s not as if I wasn’t held enough as a child; hell, it always took at least four or five people to do it. Don’t breathe—just s-q-u-e-e-z-e the trigger. It won’t be long before you’ve mastered using the TV remote my young son.
If I had a pound of cake batter for every time you complained, we would be able to sail around the world. Holding a pet reduces your blood pressure, although holding a grudge can take years off someone else’s life. I wish you would stop staring at me. Are you so fascinated with my hotness? I’ve collected string for decades and yet I won’t consider winding it into a huge ball just so that tourists can come and pay money to gawk at it and judge me. We’re going to need a lot more condiments.
More of the same, and less, (here).