September 29, 2012

dear clusterflock

Say, here’s an idea. What say we establish a bizarro clusterflock for hackers, extremists, and miscellaneous goofbuckets? SHOUTING! And the SWORD!

We could even make it user-friendly by modeling it on bilingual sites. You know, sites that offer you the GERMAN or the ENGLISH version.

Visitors to the bizarro clusterflock could opt, say, for the MY WAY OR THE HIGHWAY-KRAZEE-CHRISTIAN version or the MY WAY OR THE HIGHWAY-KRAZEE-MUSLIM version.

There are infinite variations.

posted by in assholes, big board, calm the fuck down, dear clusterflock, fail, Meet the Apostles, Meet the Flockers, my goddamn "conspiracies" category, politics, religion, satire, self-help, sisyphean, stupidity, technology, the future, this is why we can't have nice things, translation, web sites | * | 25 comments 

comments

  1. Sheila Ryan on September 29th, 2012 at 11:44 am

    Or as MGS put it in a private communique, a place for hackers to post their “rancid little rat-dreams.”

  2. Michael Grant Smith on September 29th, 2012 at 12:11 pm

    That was stated confidentially, Sheila. Those sweaty, null-pubescent Turkish warts are no doubt lounging in their mothers’ mildewed Turkish basements, sipping Turkish Mountain Dew from 2-liter bottles and monitoring our every word. I don’t want to antagonize the needle-dicked bugfuckers by letting them know how I feel about their hobby.

  3. Michael Grant Smith on September 29th, 2012 at 12:12 pm

    I’m cool with the rest of Turkey.

  4. Sheila Ryan on September 29th, 2012 at 12:16 pm

    Yikes! Has my hot-headed breach of confidentiality triggered their heat-seeking hacker-missiles? What a maroon I am!

  5. Sheila Ryan on September 29th, 2012 at 12:17 pm

    And yeah, I’m cool with the rest of Turkey. Turkey is way cool. Besides, it’s nobody’s business but the Turks’.

  6. Sheila Ryan on September 29th, 2012 at 12:22 pm

    I once saw the coast of Turkey from the deck of a ferry en route from Patmos to Rhodes. In the rosy-fingered dawn, even. It looked pretty cool. I’m still wanting to go there.

  7. rick neece on September 29th, 2012 at 12:40 pm

    Istanbul or Constantinople?

  8. Sheila Ryan on September 29th, 2012 at 12:40 pm

    Take me back.

  9. Sheila Ryan on September 29th, 2012 at 12:41 pm

    Take me back and I’ll tell you.

  10. Rick Neece on September 29th, 2012 at 12:43 pm

    I’ll take you back.

  11. Sheila Ryan on September 29th, 2012 at 12:48 pm

    Bless you, Ricky Cameron. I was fixing to post the version by The Residents, but this is a good’un. Thank you, hon.

  12. Sheila Ryan on September 29th, 2012 at 12:52 pm

    Also, Andrew rules earth, air, and sea. I hope he can just enjoy a regular weekend now.

  13. Daryl Scroggins on September 29th, 2012 at 3:00 pm

    Seems odd that Turkish hackers would be so interested in Clusterflock. Maybe all the sword crap is just cover for some other ill wisher.

  14. Sheila Ryan on September 29th, 2012 at 3:19 pm

    I dunno, Daryl. Just before the latest assault, we were up to daily stats of as close to 2,000 as makes no difference. That’s a heap.

  15. Kathy Hilen-Smith on September 29th, 2012 at 8:02 pm

    Those fuckers haven’t stopped the goat.

  16. Sheila Ryan on September 29th, 2012 at 8:04 pm

    The goat is unstoppable.

  17. Daryl Scroggins on September 29th, 2012 at 9:36 pm

    That poor goat’s name is Telos.

  18. Derek White on September 30th, 2012 at 1:17 am

    Goat terrorists. Hack turkeys.

  19. Sheila Ryan on September 30th, 2012 at 9:28 am

    Good one, Daryl.

  20. Sheila Ryan on September 30th, 2012 at 9:29 am

    Also, speaking of hack turkeys, four turkeys came up to watch as a friend gave my car a jump yesterday.

  21. Derek White on October 1st, 2012 at 2:06 am

    Were turkeys ever in the running as Clusterflock mascot? My mom had a turkey once that i named Istanbul. It had this thing for me, there could be dozens of people around, but he would always single me out & ruffle his feathers making that creepy noise courting turkeys make. I could change my clothes, take a shower, wear a mask, but he still would always single me out. Until one day the postman came down the driveway & ran him over.

  22. rick neece on October 1st, 2012 at 8:15 am

    Thanksgiving!

  23. Sheila Ryan on October 1st, 2012 at 8:22 am

    I’m seeing young Derek, clean as a whistle, masked and disguised in a sibling’s clothing, fleeing the advances of a persistent fowl.

  24. Derek White on October 2nd, 2012 at 8:16 am

    … my birthday is on thanksgiving, maybe that had something to do with it.

  25. Sheila Ryan on October 2nd, 2012 at 1:53 pm

    Maybe it was a pre-emptive strike, Derek, intended to soften your feelings so you would plead for mercy on the turkey’s behalf.

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