December 7, 2012
Loss of control over WHICH BODILY FUNCTION do you find most comical? KEY TO YOUR PERSONALITY!
I’m a sucker for vomit. Vomit anecdotes almost invariably crack me up.
It was Wednesday morning, and I was driving west on Interstate 74, just outside of Galesburg, Illinois, when I abruptly vomited, first into my right hand, then onto the floor near the console. Actually, the ejecta was something like ectoplasm, coffee-scented slime flecked with tiny bits of egg. Mucosal projectile vomiting.
The slime on my hand posed a driving challenge, seeing as I drive stick. (A friend suggested third gear is most versatile in these situations.) But I made it to a rest stop a couple of miles down the road.
Ordinarily, I stock the Honda Element with paper towels, along with water, jerky, toe and finger warmers, Mylar blankets, and other such upper Midwestern winter survival supplies, but Wednesday I was out of paper towels. And the state-operated rest stop had none, although they did stock a good supply of those free publications devoted to rip-off hotel coupons and to trucker hook-up ads. These are adequate for a first pass at cleaning your vehicle’s interior, especially if we’re talking molded plastic.
It was pretty funny. So funny that the first thing I did on my return to Galena was to tell friends my vomit story.
Which bodily betrayal is your favorite?