February 22, 2013

A Personal Matter

I’m sure you’re a busy lawyer but I’d like to bring a few things to your attention. If you’re interested, maybe we can meet and I’ll explain my case in more detail.

I’ve been going to the same barber as far back as my first haircut when I was three or four years old. There are some customer service issues:

(1) I never once received a straight-razor shave.
(2) A hot towel around my face has not been offered.
(3) Even with all the dusting and brushing, the clippings always makes my neck itchy.
(4) Instead of filling the room with banter about manly subjects like small block Chevy engines, beef, and cooters, my barber and his other customers mostly stay quiet.
(5) Even though my barber’s hands used to smell clean and soapy, they now reek of cigarettes and 5-way chili.
(6) The girlie magazines are there somewhere but I haven’t seen one yet.
(7) I still don’t know my barber’s name. He’s never asked for mine.
(8) Where does the rotating stripe go when it climbs up the pole?

The two other lawyers I contacted told me they don’t handle this kind of law, whatever that means. If you want to help me, please reply ASAP.


(similar stuffs here)


  1. Sheila Ryan on February 24th, 2013 at 2:19 pm

    “This kind of law” is a professional term. I will try to explain by giving an example of something related: “this kind of consultation”.

    When my friend helped me out with some graphics work for a project I’m working on, I asked him to add to his invoice an extra hour for “consultation”, so I could pester him with calls and ask questions along the lines of: If I want to do thus-and-such in Photoshop, can I do it? How do I do it? Well, why can’t I do it? Look, I tried to do this thing that made sense to me. Why didn’t it work? And why is the sky blue? Why are oranges round? And if God is all-powerful and merciful, why does he allow his creatures to suffer?

    This kind of consultation that I have described is like the kind of law the two lawyers said they don’t handle.

  2. Michael Grant Smith on February 24th, 2013 at 3:31 pm

    I paid a consultant $250 up front for some life coaching and financial advice but when I went the following week to the same pawn shop parking lot, he never showed up.

  3. Michael Grant Smith on February 24th, 2013 at 3:33 pm

    Air quotes should probably never be part of a professional introduction.