February 9, 2013
Everyone needs a manifesto.
In a perfect world, cheese would have a mild laxative effect.
I became tired of losing the TV remote. It’s now up my butt. Watch me change channels.
Shhh. I’m not listening to the talking you make.
I enjoy driving very quickly even though I’m not in a hurry and don’t know what I’m doing.
If I put one back, how will I know I’ve had too much?
I’m obsessed with my butt so that you don’t have to be.
Whenever I step up to the podium, I’m talking to myself while a crowd listens.
I sleep harder than a basket of kittens.
People around me are beginning to realize I’m all I want.