February 20, 2013
As if driving through Middletown isn’t scary enough. It was like Duel, but more horrifying because there she was! The driver–one of those Appalachian dried apple dolls in a habit with one wiry hand on the steering wheel, a crooked nose and feral determined staring eyes peering over the dash of a massive white Crown Vic. That’s what loomed in my rear-view mirror, but the side views were BOOM left headlight, BOOM right headlight, BOOM left headlight… she was all over me like a cop. I’m talking nice residential area here, but girlfriend was in a hurry and I was in her way.
After a couple miles of this, she turned into the parking lot of the First Presbyterian Church. I spect somebody in there got their ass kicked.