As if driving through Middletown isn’t scary enough. It was like Duel, but more horrifying because there she was! The driver–one of those Appalachian dried apple dolls in a habit with one wiry hand on the steering wheel, a crooked nose and feral determined staring eyes peering over the dash of a massive white Crown Vic. That’s what loomed in my rear-view mirror, but the side views were BOOM left headlight, BOOM right headlight, BOOM left headlight… she was all over me like a cop. I’m talking nice residential area here, but girlfriend was in a hurry and I was in her way.
After a couple miles of this, she turned into the parking lot of the First Presbyterian Church. I spect somebody in there got their ass kicked.