After Farting
“Who run Bartertown!?”
Dueling Banjos
If cool is a species of bullshit obscurity, culture is now divaricate enough that we can all be cool. It’s not gold anymore. More like corn.
— name (@georgelazenby) December 28, 2011
Taco Bell be having they shit look good on commercials but that shit is sick!!
— Te-Aria (@PEANUTBIOTCH) December 29, 2011
Smell Them; You’ll Know.
Fade from black to black.
Is this something?
Software or (solar-powered) hardware modifications for hybrid/electric cars that offer the purchaser a selection of motor and/or muffler noises appropriately synchronized with accelerator use.
This Monday’s Puddin’ is nicely concise
The Bears Are Right Attracted to Their Menses
Joad Cressbeckler: Homosexuality A Necessity On Cold Mountaintops
Finally, a new Cressbeckler Stance.
WE ARE THE PEOPLE, AND WE ARE OUTSTANDING.
6. Intangibles (15 points): This is everything else about the candidate — a swirling jambalaya of all that makes a musician essential: smarts, chemistry, sexuality, drug use, infidelity, insanity, a bizarre origin story, a propensity for crime, memorable dance moves, inappropriate joking about fatal diseases, their personal taste in guitar strings, a strident unwillingness to sell out, a charming willingness to sell-out immediately, high-profile ownership of dragon pants, involvement with the H.O.R.D.E festival, involvement with Farm Aid, involvement with Hear ‘n Aid, boating accidents, cult membership, nonmembership in the Cult, emaciation, obesity, a willingness to wear neckties for promotional photographs, a willingness to compose the theme song to That Thing You Do!, a willingness to collaborate with Bob Ezrin, a checkered history of collaborating with Lenny Kravitz, anachronistic facial hair, and/or the inability to be the person in the band who is not Joe Walsh.
Chuck Klosterman introduces the Rock VORM, the Gross Rock VORM, the Adjusted Rock VORM, and the “Real” Rock VORM stat.
A Kind of Wild Justice
Thanks, Daniel?
And, So, Somewhere, There Is This, Also
Thanks, El-tee.
I Will ALWAYS Love You
You have to wait for it, but that helps it. And then, you might get scared.
Thanks, Bootknocky.
Pretty Well Sums ‘It’ ‘Up’
Thanks, Lara.
My First Ten
1. Vomiting on the wood floor in the dark room
2. A pink pebble in the driveway
3. Slipping on the play structure made of railroad ties, my chin cut open
4. My friend’s house smells different
5. Cows are enormous and terrifying
6. I don’t want to get in that boat
7. Toothbrushes are pretty
8. Where did this statuette come from?
9. The imp carved out of wood is leering
10. That is a whole BOX of CANDY
I Need to Know How Much Can I Get for These Sweet-Ass Waffles
I’ve been looking for this for a long time.
Caricature of God’s Face
Thanks, Schweezy.
Lace-Kerchiefed Star-Buggers
Joad Cressbeckler: NASA Honeyfuggling America With Nonsense Space Dreams
Satisfaction Guaranteed
Thanks, Mr. Matz.
Theatre of Great Discomfort
Tilt the Cup and Push Against the Lever
There’s a Promise That I’m After and It’s Better Than a Bone
Guess what I wear as a hat?
MARCEL THE SHELL WITH SHOES ON from Dean Fleischer-Camp on Vimeo.
The explosions will not happen for 10, 15, 20 years.
I can’t get enough of this Gohmert dude. It’s like he’s impersonating himself. To a hilarious and fearsome result.
We’re Going to L.A.
Suggestions are appreciated.
Dear Clusterflock
I always wanted a gold tooth.
So, when I got a temporary crown put in today by my new dentist, (to replace the awful “permanent” one my old dentist put in, you see) I ask about getting a gold crown. With the old one, I didn’t know how things worked so when they put the awful one in, I didn’t know when to ask about whether I could get a gold one until it was too late.
So, this time I ask. And I’d have to pay $800 extra because my insurance considers it cosmetic. She tells me that it would last longer and that ordinarily they don’t ask if people want gold for their teeth near the front. So, I fume while she matches the shade of porcelain I’m going to end up getting. Am I detecting an ethnic bias in the policies of my dental insurance provider or is this just standard serving up lemon jello and telling me it’s dessert Ticketmaster doublespeak?
Day Maker
Thanks a lot, Neko No Chikan.
