“I’ll go through it with you line by line.”
I just keep on liking this guy.
Thanks, Shannon!
Hugs and Kisses
Shaving Points #2
There are oils, creams, cremes, foams, soaps, and gels all containing inexplicable and engineered molecules and/or the finest available botanicals. They serve either to facilitate the enactment of the sought after good, close shave or to soothe the hurt that accompanies it. And with a scent that evokes the essence of your particular brand of masculinity.
Someone Stole Your Idea
This is a very exciting time and we are both humbled and honored to be at the forefront of this new wave of music programming. So please welcome to 101.5 The Pole, the first of what will soon be the lap dance heard around the world. The Classic Non Stop Stripper Hits sound of 101.5 The Pole.
So sorry. NSFW-ish.
Shaving Points #1
For men (mostly white guys, I guess) shaving is one of those mundane activities that is overloaded with baggage of various sorts. A few of us are able to push this particular grooming ritual to the side through the ability to grow a beard of sufficient quality that it “works” for us on some level, like Barry Stone or Gandalf. Some of us depart from clean shavenness through force of will or via some sort of cultural loophole even though it looks terrible, like Francis Ford Coppola or Wolf Blitzer. The rest of us shave our faces. I will not address goatees, van Dykes, or other facial hair configurations more elaborate than your basic sideburns or state trooper moustache which differ negligibly from full-on clean shavenness.
I Could Watch These Damn Things for Hours. They’re Like Little Chocolates Mixed with Hugs.
Lightfoot
1-1/2 oz. Canadian Whisky
pinch sodium nitrite
Serve warm.
Taxidermist
2 oz. Southern Comfort
4 oz. Mountain Dew
Over ice with sawdust rim.
A-Beam
1 oz. Jim Beam
1/2 oz. A-1
Praise Him with Great Praise
I was cleaning out an old e-mail inbox and I rediscovered the story of King Mole. I’m sorry if you’ve seen this one before and I’m sorry if you haven’t.
Minor Personal Revelation
One of the main flavors in cola is cloves.
quote
…Hearken diligently unto me, and eat ye that which is good, and let your soul delight itself in fatness.
Isaiah 55:2
Water Delivery Bear
The bear who services the office water coolers is a boor. He scratches his back on doorjambs and pushes the buttons for every floor on the elevator.
A New Level of Ineffectual Douchebaggery?
I hope that this is a very good joke.
I’m totally claiming that blastocyst as a dependent
In November, Colorado voters may change the legal definition of who or what is a person (any human being from the moment of fertilization) when they vote on Amendment 48.
Service!
Dan Savage, Brendan Kiley, and Christopher Frizzelle blog the RNC.
Dear Clusterflock
What’s your favorite 19th century typeface?
If you have a couple minutes,
and you haven’t already, I think you’ll enjoy This Recording.
Hey, hey! Is this thing on?
You see, there are these two tourists walking along the beach in Hawaii. And they are discussing the proper pronunciation of the word ‘Hawaii’. One of them is like, “The authentic pronunciation is Havai’i. I’m certain of it.” And the other is like, “That’s ridiculous. How come I haven’t heard of this?” So the other is like, “Well, let’s ask a local.” And the other is all, “Ok, then.”
So they see a guy walking toward them and he has the beachy je-ne-sais-quoi that says to the tourists… this is the guy to ask. Ok, the one guy says, “Excuse me. We’re having a little disagreement about the pronunciation of the name of this state. Is it Hawaii or Havai’i ?” And the guy says, “It’s pronounced Havai’i.” And the one who feels all vindicated and whatnot is like, “See! I told you! Thank you, sir. Thanks a lot!” And the local guy says, ”You’re velcome.”
Mouse in the Copier Room
One of the mice who works here thinks it’s funny to make photocopies of his butt.
Cow in Mergers and Acquisitions
The cow who leads a lot of the company’s buyouts and takeover bids is an expert negotiator. No one who looks into her profound, liquid eyes is unmoved.
Iguana Two Cubicles Over
There’s a marine iguana a couple of cubicles over. He thinks it’s funny to blow salt over the partition when Linda’s on the phone. Mostly, he’s a pretty cool guy.
Swarm of Bees in the Meeting About New Postage Rates
The swarm of bees that coordinates all of the direct mail marketing didn’t pay any attention in the meeting. They were distracted by the sodas and juice that had been set out as refreshments.
Toucan at the Water Cooler
Most of the people in the department think the toucan neglects his work in favor of hanging out by the water cooler. But really, he’s just thirsty and waiting for someone to help operate the spigot.
Coyote in the Conference Room
Before the presentation on the new customer relationship management module, the trainer who is a coyote pisses in all four corners of the room. The class is enthralled.