A New Level of Ineffectual Douchebaggery?
I hope that this is a very good joke.
I’m totally claiming that blastocyst as a dependent
In November, Colorado voters may change the legal definition of who or what is a person (any human being from the moment of fertilization) when they vote on Amendment 48.
Service!
Dan Savage, Brendan Kiley, and Christopher Frizzelle blog the RNC.
Dear Clusterflock
What’s your favorite 19th century typeface?
If you have a couple minutes,
and you haven’t already, I think you’ll enjoy This Recording.
Hey, hey! Is this thing on?
You see, there are these two tourists walking along the beach in Hawaii. And they are discussing the proper pronunciation of the word ‘Hawaii’. One of them is like, “The authentic pronunciation is Havai’i. I’m certain of it.” And the other is like, “That’s ridiculous. How come I haven’t heard of this?” So the other is like, “Well, let’s ask a local.” And the other is all, “Ok, then.”
So they see a guy walking toward them and he has the beachy je-ne-sais-quoi that says to the tourists… this is the guy to ask. Ok, the one guy says, “Excuse me. We’re having a little disagreement about the pronunciation of the name of this state. Is it Hawaii or Havai’i ?” And the guy says, “It’s pronounced Havai’i.” And the one who feels all vindicated and whatnot is like, “See! I told you! Thank you, sir. Thanks a lot!” And the local guy says, ”You’re velcome.”
Mouse in the Copier Room
One of the mice who works here thinks it’s funny to make photocopies of his butt.
Cow in Mergers and Acquisitions
The cow who leads a lot of the company’s buyouts and takeover bids is an expert negotiator. No one who looks into her profound, liquid eyes is unmoved.
Iguana Two Cubicles Over
There’s a marine iguana a couple of cubicles over. He thinks it’s funny to blow salt over the partition when Linda’s on the phone. Mostly, he’s a pretty cool guy.
Swarm of Bees in the Meeting About New Postage Rates
The swarm of bees that coordinates all of the direct mail marketing didn’t pay any attention in the meeting. They were distracted by the sodas and juice that had been set out as refreshments.
Toucan at the Water Cooler
Most of the people in the department think the toucan neglects his work in favor of hanging out by the water cooler. But really, he’s just thirsty and waiting for someone to help operate the spigot.
Coyote in the Conference Room
Before the presentation on the new customer relationship management module, the trainer who is a coyote pisses in all four corners of the room. The class is enthralled.
Racoon at St. Patrick’s Potluck
At the St. Patrick’s Day potluck lunch, the racoon from maintenance washes its portion of Joyce’s “famous” corned beef before eating it. Joyce is pissed.
Duck in the Executive Washroom
The duck who does database programming for the Web Team likes to swim in the executive washroom toilet. She is frequently reprimanded.
Rabbits Burrow into Cash Drawer
The two rabbits in Legal have dug a tunnel into the petty cash drawer in Melinda’s desk. They are trying to get her fired.
Buffalo at the December Birthdays party
They celebrate the December birthdays with a cake and some two-liter sodas. The buffalo from the purchasing department gets emotional and spends the whole time crying quietly in the corner.
Giraffe in HR
The giraffe in Human Resources is a stickler for paperwork. One of the men in the office spits in the flavored creamer that she keeps in the staff refrigerator.
Beavers in the Reflecting Pool
A pair of beavers are building a dam in the reflecting pool in front of the administrative center. A man standing off to the side gives them the finger.
Owl in the Staff Lounge
The owl in the breakroom says hi to her. She whispers out of the corner of her mouth, “Stop it. You are embarrassing me.”
Horse on the Subway
The horse on the subway says to the man, ‘hey can you see me here?’ And then the man tells the horse to quit bothering him.
Deron, Amy Without Internet for a Couple Days
Deron’s and Amy’s internet service is out for a couple days. They’re not ignoring you or this blog. Or that’s what they’re saying. Or that’s what I’m saying they’re saying.
Are you or do you know anyone in/going to Kansas City?
May I recommend the Magazines and Coffee coffee shop in which you may wish to snack and/or promote your most recent literary endeavor? Do try the Howard Hughes coffee beverage. It is wittily garnished with gold leaf and an antibacterial towelette. The proprietors are delightful and attractive.
If you are not in or going to Kansas City, let me recommend it or that or both. It is a fascinating, lovely, and underrated American city with a formidable and active arts community.
Really Did Make Me Sad
Although this has been blogged all to hell, I wanted to mention that it really did make me feel pretty sad. I never did like Ralph.
Andrew Bird in Paris on Blogotheque
The One’s and the Two’s
Can I Bring My Gat? has been sharing nice words about and cuts by (mostly) under-recognized hiphop producers for a couple years now. I would pay for a subscription to this audioblog. But, it is free. Like the beats used to be.
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