Concerning events in and around Anoka, MN
This is so depressing/infuriating that I actually recommend putting off reading until you have time to decompress afterward. I took it in two chunks.
“This isn’t something you kid about, Brittany,” her mom scolded, snatching the kitchen cordless and taking it down the hall to call the Johnsons. A minute later she returned, her face a mask of shock and terror. “Honey, I’m so sorry. We’re too late,” she said tonelessly as Brittany’s knees buckled; 13-year-old Sam had climbed into the bathtub after school and shot herself in the mouth with her own hunting rifle. No one at school had seen her suicide coming.
dear clusterflock
What portion of bodices in literature exist only to be torn, ripped, shredded, or otherwise rent asunder?
dear clusterflock
I don’t mean to go around hawking my wares, but this seemed so relevant and useful to you personally that I thought it would be wrong not to share it. Please keep in mind that I am financially involved with this offer, but even so I think you’ll find I was right to share this marvelous opportunity with you today.
Well now here I’ve wasted a lot of your time with technicalities and jibber jabber, I’ll come to my point quickly. Let me ask you just one question:
Have you ever wanted to have a spleen named after you?
headline of the day, II
Paula Deen confirms that she has type 2 diabetes, unveils partnership with drug company
Uncomfortable Plot Summaries
HARRY POTTER: Celebrity Jock thinks rules don’t apply to him, is right.
(via @johndiesattheen)
from the comments
I know this isn’t really the place to post this, and I’m not campaigning or anything but the only thing I know about Chick-Fil-A is that they hate the gays.
dear clusterflock
In what contexts, if any, are sanctity or the idea or possibility of sanctity valuable?
One of these things is not like the other
No fewer than eight Ferraris and a Lamborghini Diablo were among the victims of Sunday morning’s collision, while the other victims were two top-of-the-range Mercedes-Benz, a Nissan GT-R and a Toyota Prius hybrid.
I said
“You can take [your stress] out on my cock. She’s tough. She can take it.”
Without further ado
The Wet Spots
I’ve recently rediscovered The Wet Spots. They make sex-positive musical comedy. I’ll leave the being funny to them.
Our bodies, our flock: Parthenogenesis.
I’m sorry to have neglected “Our Bodies, Our Flock” for so long (previously), but I’m lazy. Here’s a new one for you, on parthenogenesis!
Humans, like all mammals, are incapable of performing parthenogenesis.
from the comments
I don’t think it’s ever OK to wear your ballcap backwards.
Except when giving head.
She said
Doris Day looks fat.
Why is it that how people perceive themselves to be seen should have such a profound influence?
So Chochinov tried to answer those questions. As a psychiatrist at the University of Manitoba in Canada, he did study after study trying to tease out exactly what troubled people most about dying. What he found was that what people found most assaulting and annihilating was this idea that who they were would completely cease to exist after their death. And so Chochinov decided to do something about it.
headline of the day, III
Jury rules in favor of doctor who cut off part of Kentucky man’s penis
Let’s buy two big industrial windmills
Bad Lip Reading takes music videos and does a terrible job lip reading the lyrics and a wonderful job writing music. I have enjoyed each of their songs more than the original.
For comparison, the original video
My thought process this afternoon
Problem: Fitted sheet is dirty.
Solution: Replace fitted sheet.
Problem: Multiple incomplete sheet sets
Problem: Mismatched sheets
Solution: Fail to give a fuck.
Dear Clusterflock
How do we feel about people who order bacon on a veggie burger.
Related: Is turkey bacon bacon?
I said
I’ve been mad at you, but I still wish you were around. I guess that’s what love is.
Vote which one is a weiner.
The cfsiii Fight Card
in conjunction with
SMITH AND SMITH PUGILISTIC ENTERTAINMENT
are proud to present the
BIGGEST SUPERCARD SINCE SLICED BREAD!
(which is a very long time)
Come one come all to
CLUSTERSTOCK
heavyweights |
|
East Anaheim Junior High Spelling Bee Finalist Telephone, TX |
Frank Sinatra Look-Alike of the Year ’82 Hoboken, NJ |
bantamweights |
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FBI’s 23rd most wanted El Paso, TX |
Eunuch Singer Ypsilanti, MI |
super welterweights |
|
Poops at will Kingston, RI |
Colo. Brazillian Jiu Jitsu champion Fort Collins, CO |
featherweights |
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Little Miss Panhandle ’92 Tallahassee, FL |
Presidential Physical Fitness Award Winner Fort Wayne, IN |
cruiserweights |
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Bareback rodeo clown Schenectady, NY |
Canadian Canada |
Manmachine Plays Jazz
From beatmania gottamix
Food Limitations
Dear clusterflock,
Y’all, dietarily speaking, are tough to keep track of. What can’t you eat? What don’t you eat? What won’t you eat? I want to make a dessert, but the thing I had in mind involves a baguette. Can those be had without gluten? Is anyone strictly anti-cheese, and if so does this apply even to soft cheeses like mascarpone? Is there such a thing as a vinegar allergy? I want to accommodate everyone medically and morally. Calorie control will have to be a matter of portion control, for those concerned.
Boxing.
Your tits are not my speed bag.
