The best thing you’ll read today about junk food.

“We knew this was a breakthrough idea, so we put on our relentless hats and were determined to not let [this thing] beat us.”

“I mean, it was actually important that we left the orange dusting on your fingers because otherwise, we’re not delivering the genuine Doritos [experience].”

“I remember trying to sell guacamole in the Midwest and people were like, ‘What’s all this green stuff in my burrito?’”

“We realized we needed more capacity, because we couldn’t slow down the Nacho Cheese line in order to create capacity for Cool Ranch.”

“In fact, the companies ended up creating a proprietary seasoner in the process, not least because for workers on the manufacturing line, the plumes of Doritos seasoning would create an almost Nacho Cheese gas chamber.”

headline of the day

Giant Penis Shuts Down The Nürburgring

photo out of context

headline of the day

The Internet finally reaches its apex as man marrying My Little Pony character writes angry email to erotic pony artist

headline of the day

Jon Hamm’s penis has been banned from the set of Mad Men

headline of the day

Ukrainian Attack Dolphins on the Loose

Beach House – Wishes

via Coda Hale

This man is my hero.

Need to borrow/rent live ducks (not a joke) (Austin)

Hosting a house party. Need ducks for party game.

via Evan Sanders

headline of the day

Pill promises to turn your poop into glittering gold

I think this would be a welcome addition to most sports

headline of the day

Two men arrested in alleged plot to murder, castrate Justin Bieber

headline of the day

Softball-sized eyeball washes up on Florida beach

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Milk

via Trevor Timm via Tim Carmody

photo out of context

photo out of context

headline of the day

In Lieu of Bibles, Hotel Stocks Nightstands with Fifty Shades of Grey

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Olympics organisers have warned businesses that during London 2012 their advertising should not include a list of banned words, including “gold”, “silver” and “bronze”, “summer”, “sponsors” and “London”.

tweet of the day

tweet of the day

tweet of the day

quote out of context

If you can’t tell whether you’re actually in a negative situation or just an ungrateful person who blames everyone else for your problems, drink.

If you suspect you might not even have much reason to be unhappy and in fact just overthink everything and lack a stable internal compass, drink.

If you think you might just feel lost because you drink too often, but then you think too much when you aren’t drinking, cry.

tweet of the day

headline of the day

Garbage truck lands on Saturn

My wife and I raised our two daughters, who both have straight teeth, college degrees, husbands, and grandchildren.

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