Bad Aphorisms
Dare to hope, aspire to succeed, strive to excel, stop making so many to-do lists.
You are most likely unaware of how many problems you face, and that’s a big problem.
Poised at the brink of precipitous disaster, a man must pull back and consider taking the long way around or perhaps a bridge.
That which does not kill you probably left a trail of evidence and is fully prosecutable.
A scoped rifle and a clock tower will get you onto the evening news.
Fight for what you believe, and fail at it. Get up and try again. By the third time, reconsider your commitment to such a stupid idea.
Throughout history there have been moments like these when we must reflect on history.
Never open with a funny story. You’re not very good at it.
LHC has discovered how many terrible Higgs Boson metaphors can fit in one article
The search for the Higgs has become the hottest pursuit in modern physics.
Professor John Ellis: “We’ve been living with Higgs theory now for almost 50 years… it’s become our Holy Grail”
You can think of it as being an enormous giant Jigsaw puzzle, but there’s a piece missing right in the middle there. We have been looking for this for 30 years now, and finally, maybe, hidden under the back of the LHC sofa…we are finally finding it”.
“This hunt for the Higgs is like fishing in an ancient way… instead of using modern tools you are removing the water from the pond… it might look tedious but it is the only way, at the end of the day, when you have removed all the water from the pond to find the smallest fish.”
I said
“You can take [your stress] out on my cock. She’s tough. She can take it.”
from an old professor of mine on Facebook
“Kathy, weeding the flower bed, is better than a flock of wise goats.”
tweet of the day
Update: Door Bell Substitute.
from the spam
The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
On the sadness of life
From my dear friend, Reese Belew:
So much of life, even at its best, is sad. The gap between imagined potential and reality is the quotient generating its sum of sadness.
spam name
Pearlie Wildridge.
quote out of context
Pilsner should be in Roman type, and begin with a capital.
from the comments
The swifts were one of my many favorite parts when I visited your home for motherfucker last summer.
coming out of sleep
Every barber needs a pole.
The precepts in this section—many of them written in a digressive, self-serious style that reads as if Ayn Rand and Deepak Chopra had collaborated on a line of fortune cookies—are never about making money, at least not openly
There is nothing to fear from truth.
When a pack of hyenas takes down a young wildebeest, is this good or bad?
Ask yourself whether you have earned the right to have an opinion.
The pursuit of billions of dollars through aphorisms and “radical transparency.”
(via the browser)
from the spam
I was going 2 punch an elephant in the face & then I remembered, they never forget. So I punched an old person, they forget everything.
Update:
Do the children of porn stars make tapes of themselves doing Neil Simon plays to get back at their parents?
Update:
Whoever said peeing in the urinal for kids causes no “splash back” is an idiot.
from the comments
Unlike the vagina, nature put a tight sphincter at the entrance of the anus. It’s there for a reason! I like long hugs that don’t get awkward.
facebook post of the day
Word Request
“That feeling you get when you realize you have no idea how to pronounce the word you’re about to say, because you’ve only ever used it online, but it’s too late to turn back.”
from the spam
Not everybody understands this, but I do.
from the comments
So far my vanity trumps my penury, but that probably just means that my folly is triumphant.
Father Christmas fucked my pussy (Christmas pussy song)
(thanks, Aaron)
Quote Out of Context
What can be asserted without evidence can also be dismissed without evidence.
quote out of context
They will envy you for your success, for your wealth, for your intelligence, for your looks, for your status — but rarely for your wisdom.
The Uncomfortable Truthasaurus
(thanks, Joel)
from the spam
Joe grunted and do that way. A good, until i was soft warmth. I can see women that day using this you. I. How my hands already chosen, pumping, tom suggested. Guess i wished shed. She sits on, sugar. I saw the girl. You. No one of her body, i love. Ill.
For Deron
from the spam
A likable out of date time eon is the award of a well-spent youth. Instead of its bringing dejected and low prospects of rot, it would hand out us hopes of unwavering adolescence in a recovered world.
