finally
About a year ago this post went up without much explanation:
Joel and Deron* have put on something over their jockstraps.
*The one he wears like a mask*.
*To block the image of Michael nesting in Troy Polamalu’s hair*.
*A frequent dream of Deron’s that leaves him feeling oddly aroused.
Originally created by Michael on September 9, 2010 and scheduled to publish the morning following the Super Bowl the post looked like this:
The NFL season has ended
And was changed by Deron on September 12:
I have the strength to say it. Deron, you are the handsomest man I know.
A Little Skipper…
Reminded me, by way of Jean in Deron’s post.
Seems I’ve failed to embed it. Nor link it for that matter. Nevermind. It isn’t that good. Don’t take up your time.
Warning: Grenade Splasherz
This from my friend TigErrrrrrrr:
It’s funny how when you buy these 2-packs of Grenade Splasherz @ Von’s Grocery Stores (impulse items next to the GIANT $4.49 each size of Red Bull!!!) they carry this warning across the top label: “Do not aim or throw at anyone’s face.”
Much more fun is what it says across the bottom of the label: “Squeeze’em, Soak ‘em, & Throw ‘em!” :^) YAY !!!!!
Dear Clusterflock
How do you deal with the unbearable rudeness of strangers? I’m serious, here, guys. It’s starting to really affect my life.
It could be anything — the guy who cuts you off when you’re clearly waiting for the men’s room, the guy who switches to the fucking right lane after he sees the “right lane ends 1000 feet” sign, the elderly couple who really ought to know better than narrate through the entire showing of The Artist (even after you finally yell “hey” after he says “he didn’t do it” – BANG!), the woman who starts doing her makeup next to you on the train, the omnipresent imbeciles yelling into thin air (oh, they’re on the phone).
I’m thinking of never going to another movie again (damn kids nearly ruined Red Riding Hood for me), or moving to a cabin in the woods. I’ve been checking Craigslist for jobs, but so far, nothing.
wait for it
Fairies of Christmas Passed…Deconstructed
The Blue Fairies laid on the table from the tree en masse. These were created by a former greensman employee three or four years ago. I remember, as he made them, into a box-top in the backroom of the greensman offices, I entered the room he was working in. He said, as he shook the boxtop, “Look, they live! ” He giggled and grinned a grin somewhere between the grinch and the baby jesus. That vision will forever live in my heart.
Happy New Year, Y’all
Smootch.
I really shouldn’t post this . . .
You might actually look at it, and that will be bad. Worse, posting may generate more attention and more traffic. But I’m thinking that maybe Christmas light-lookers aren’t hanging out here with us.
This is the spectacle that nearly blinded us as we turned onto the block for Pam’s and Jam’s Christmas Eve party.
They’ve been living near this since Thanksgiving.
I am thinking they would rather have Carole for their neighbor.
X-mas Eve Par-tay
I’m relaxed. I honestly am. I bought a set of Horrified B-Movie Victims for the X-tended family X-mas gift X-change. The Gift Grab amongst cousins and their partners et al.
As for my near and dear, this year I’m empty-handed. And I’m cool with saying, “Hey, when I see something I know you’ll love, it’s yours.” And I imagine my near and dear will be cool with that.
What I am not doing is scouring the Tri-State Region over the next three hours for timely gifts for my near and dear. Not for the sake of saving face in Chicago tomorrow night. Screw it. My near and dear know I love them, I hope, and I hope they love me.
“It’s been harder than usual this year,” I’m thinking to say. “How’s it been for you?”
And I’m cool with that.
From the Comments
Forgive me for touting my own.
Merry Christmas, er, Happy Holidays, whatever floats the boat.
12 Indicted On Hate Crimes Charges For Hair Cutting Assaults Led By Break-Off Amish Group
I think this is my favorite story of 2011.
She had a nose ring.
She slides the papers across to me and asks if I am so excited about my new car.
I do not look up, I say: “It’s just another material posession.”
She laughs brightly and I sign my name twenty times or more.
Clusterflockers with Children…
…is there a book you wouldn’t want your children to read?
Wreath this year…
I didn’t do a wreath for DIFFA this year. This one, I did at a client’s house this morning.
I hope they like it. The feathery greenery, painted silver, at the bottom the wreath: I couldn’t decide if it looked like hoar-frost or Santa’s beard, but it seemed terribly original.
quote out of context
Matthew Lopez went to the Wal-Mart in Porter Ranch on Thursday night for the Black Friday sale but instead was caught in a pepper-spray attack by a woman who authorities said was “competitive shopping.”
Question
Do you think I’m to blame for the death of Natalie Wood? Should I be worried the LAPD are re-opening the case?
photo out of context
Safety is Serious
Are you being too safe or are you not being too safe enough?*
*Trick question: You’re already dead.
30 for Thirty Days, The End.
The last day of my thirty-day project. I don’t claim it as art, just something completed.
typical
So: for three years I live with a dude who claps, hoots, and hollers at anything resembling a sport on TV. I finally get my own place in a different city, I am excited at the relative peace and quiet, and guess what kind of person I live under.
Memorandum
All:
Please disregard my recent emails. Forget about the phone messages, too. I know I sounded angry and excited, but I’ve had a chance to think things over and I don’t feel the same as I did when I said all of those hurtful words. I won’t apologize for the basis of my comments—I have a right to my own opinions, especially because they are correct—but regret your exposure to that barrage of toxicity. And the physical threats. You’ll notice I did not say “sorry.” That word is for the weak.
Offer: Exercise Ball for Rat
Posted to the Dubuque Freecycle group:
Hi. Have a large blue exercise ball for a rat. It scared our rat (he has a nervous nature) but was only used once or twice.
The world of the heterosexual
Commentary courtesy of Aunt Ida (Edith Massey), “Female Trouble” (John Waters).
A Few Remarks
I sat next to him for almost two years. Inches apart, in fact, but there was a wall of sorts between us. Blue tweed-looking stuff stretched over a metal frame and filled with a thin layer of sound deadening material. It was not enough to prevent my hearing his chronic wheezing and throat-clearing.
The first week was not too bad. I was kind enough to welcome him into our little dysfunctional family. Show him how to do things and avoid the obvious rookie mistakes. He was slow to pick up departmental procedures and obstinate about what he thought he knew.
At what point did I stop trying to help him? It was when he took credit for projects that were not his own, compounded by a reluctance to admit he never knew what the fuck he was talking about. He couldn’t support an opinion or back up an assertion based on his own experience–Googling an answer was his method of showing how smart he was.
We failed
in our mission, but we learned from our mistakes and will try again.
Next time: different tools.
I did, however, stand in the pouring rain “in a lonely hollow” and scream, “I hate God! I hate the Devil! I hate the living, and I hate the dead!”
And dare lightning to strike me.
So that was all good.
