Still running to stand still

Stabbin’ Cabin: World’s Swept

In the nameless midwest a puppy encounters a force he doesn’t understand.

Music: “Evil Ball” by Sinoia Caves

Opens Tomorrow

Harrison Ford plays Branch Rickey.

Bacon-Flavored Scope Mouthwash

This is an April Fools’ prank from those wacky knuckleheads at Procter & Gamble, but with an enduring appeal. Maybe we shouldn’t joke about bacon?

headline of the day

Jon Hamm’s penis has been banned from the set of Mad Men

Dear Clusterflock

At what point in your life did you realize that you’re probably never going to be as healthy/attractive/happy/etc. as you once were? Did you have the presence of mind to realize it at the time? Or have you somehow avoided this altogether (i.e. you’re under 30)?

I had my doubts at 30, but now I’m pretty sure I’m officially on the decline. Nothing drastic, but it’s like when you realize your new car isn’t a new car anymore. Except you can’t save up for a new one, or even take out a foolish auto loan.

My Bowie: Jean Paul Gaultier

bowieGaultier

Who was your Bowie?

OUT.

Internet hatred burns eternally

Clusterflock.com? More like Cluster-steal ideas from other blogs just because noboody reads them so it’s easy to get away with.com

What’s the word for when people steal ideas from other people and then fail to properly cite the person who had the original – and usually much funnier – idea in the first place? You know that thing that college kids are always being kicked out of school for?

Oh, that’s right. It’s murder. Clusterflock is guilty of murder.

Read more

Quick Report from the Seventh Circle.

I reported a few weeks back I had taken a new position with a rather large gubment employer. I’m happy to report I have completed training and have been assigned a shared cubicle next to the windows over-looking the southern courtyard. I share this space with a “perm” employee who works days. I have an overhead shelf and a rolling file cabinet to call my own. The only personal piece I’ve brought to set out is a photo of Danny in a frame hinged with a clock. I put it in the overhead when I leave. I clean up after myself. I have yet to “make production” of 4.9 document adjustments per hour–still have to consult too many manuals to handle the myriad possibilities. Still, I see a light at the end of the miles of hallways here. If another week or two I’ll be fine. I walk on my breaks. Many corridors are 200 yards long. On a good strut, I can eat my orange and make two laps on a break (about 800 yards). Time passes quickly when work is abundant.

I think I like it.

Also, you should see the wealth of diversity and humanity here. It’s astonishing!

out of context

To be clear, where I work should no longer be described as a “home”, but more a “Bunker of dark Elven magic.” Eleven years have allowed me to transform this garden apartment into the perfect symbiotic workspace, drawing from the best aspects of the Batcave (Burton-era), Tony Stark’s workshop, Cerebro, and the Batcave (Nolan-era).

via stellar

Six wheels, four seats, zero shame

AMG Mercedes G63 6-wheel truck thing

Mercedes-Benz G63 AMG 6×6

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News stories I didn’t read

Official ‘Boring and Dull Day’ planned

(via The Telegraph)

Headline of the day

New cunning linguist computer has got ancient tongues licked

How do you take your coffee?

“I love the way it makes me feel,” said Trina. “It gives me a sense of euphoria.”

The couple admits they perform their caffeinated enema at least four times a day. Once, Trina said she did “nine or 10″ in a 24-hour period.

(via ABC News)

Your skirt is flattering and yet legally compliant

Women in Paris get rights to wear pants

The law was kept in place until now, despite repeated attempts to repeal it, in part because officials said the unenforced rule was not a priority, and part of French “legal archaeology”.

(via The Age)

Samsung El Plato Supreme Commercial Teaser

Bob Odenkirk, Seth Rogen, and Paul Rudd.

The Truth About the Super Bowl ‘Chicken Wing Apocalypse’

When you look at all chicken consumption, the Mid-Atlantic states are about 5 to 6 percent above average. The West Coast is just 1 to 2 percent above average. Cowboy country—Wyoming, Montana, cattle country—is the softest consumption area. Super Bowl weekend is nearly 5 percent of annual consumption.

(via Businessweek)

Don’t bother clicking this

Study: smokers have shorter life expectancy than nonsmokers

Smokers lose at least one decade of life expectancy over non-smokers on average according to a study in the New England Journal of Medicine.

(via NBCNews.com)

Fight over soda at East Dallas apartment sends pillow, glass jar, chicken flying

A Dallas man was arrested early Wednesday after he and a woman came to blows over a soda, police said.

By the end of the argument, a glass jar, a tire iron, a pillow and a box of chicken were all used as weapons, according to a police report.

Diamond Lydia, 18, is being held on a charge of aggravated assault.

My Hair is Layed Like an Ethereal Piece of Chinese Connie Chung

Thanks Nico

That little ball of fluff you own is a natural born killer

Every year cats in New Zealand destroy our native wildlife. The fact is that cats have to go if we really care about our environment.

Scary Stories:

You know some people talk about being abducted by aliens. I won’t say I have been, but I’ll tell you this much. When I was little, I dreamed I was falling asleep and just as I was nodding off, I felt a weight settle on the bed at my feet. I looked down to see a cat-eyed, long-limbed creature crawling up my legs toward my face. I screamed out, Daddy came. We didn’t have a cat at the time.

In a motel in a northern suburb of Denver, working retail for a couple of weeks a few years ago, I was awakened by something yanking me completely out of the bed by the big toe. I awoke drenched in sweat and in the same position I fell asleep.

Lately when napping, I’ve felt the bed settle, as if a weight lands near my feet, as if a cat has jumped on the bed. I look to find nothing there.

What do we think about the new look and feel?

Slower Traffic Keep Right on Driving in the Left Lane

I recently got back from France (a trip I plan to share a little about soon) where I was struck by how well people stick to the left-lane-is-just-for-passing rule. Having just driven 12 hours for something else this weekend, on highways both crowded and uncrowded, I’m now just kind of angry. It seems that it’s a point of pride to stay in the left lane (hell, I must be going faster than someone!) and almost never was I able to convince anyone to move to the right (I tried gentle creeping, tailing, light-flashing, and signalling). I now think that I’m generally better off staying in the right lane, where I’m only occasionally forced to pass someone in the traditional manner.

First of all, why do you think there’s a difference (or do you think there’s a difference)?

Secondly, how could the culture be changed? It seems that until tickets for violating the slower-traffic-keep-right rule are as easily given out and as profitable as speeding tickets, it’s not going to be enforced by police (nor do I think it should be, really).

dear clusterflock

Say, here’s an idea. What say we establish a bizarro clusterflock for hackers, extremists, and miscellaneous goofbuckets? SHOUTING! And the SWORD!

We could even make it user-friendly by modeling it on bilingual sites. You know, sites that offer you the GERMAN or the ENGLISH version.

Visitors to the bizarro clusterflock could opt, say, for the MY WAY OR THE HIGHWAY-KRAZEE-CHRISTIAN version or the MY WAY OR THE HIGHWAY-KRAZEE-MUSLIM version.

There are infinite variations.

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