typical
So: for three years I live with a dude who claps, hoots, and hollers at anything resembling a sport on TV. I finally get my own place in a different city, I am excited at the relative peace and quiet, and guess what kind of person I live under.
Memorandum
All:
Please disregard my recent emails. Forget about the phone messages, too. I know I sounded angry and excited, but I’ve had a chance to think things over and I don’t feel the same as I did when I said all of those hurtful words. I won’t apologize for the basis of my comments—I have a right to my own opinions, especially because they are correct—but regret your exposure to that barrage of toxicity. And the physical threats. You’ll notice I did not say “sorry.” That word is for the weak.
Offer: Exercise Ball for Rat
Posted to the Dubuque Freecycle group:
Hi. Have a large blue exercise ball for a rat. It scared our rat (he has a nervous nature) but was only used once or twice.
The world of the heterosexual
Commentary courtesy of Aunt Ida (Edith Massey), “Female Trouble” (John Waters).
A Few Remarks
I sat next to him for almost two years. Inches apart, in fact, but there was a wall of sorts between us. Blue tweed-looking stuff stretched over a metal frame and filled with a thin layer of sound deadening material. It was not enough to prevent my hearing his chronic wheezing and throat-clearing.
The first week was not too bad. I was kind enough to welcome him into our little dysfunctional family. Show him how to do things and avoid the obvious rookie mistakes. He was slow to pick up departmental procedures and obstinate about what he thought he knew.
At what point did I stop trying to help him? It was when he took credit for projects that were not his own, compounded by a reluctance to admit he never knew what the fuck he was talking about. He couldn’t support an opinion or back up an assertion based on his own experience–Googling an answer was his method of showing how smart he was.
We failed
in our mission, but we learned from our mistakes and will try again.
Next time: different tools.
I did, however, stand in the pouring rain “in a lonely hollow” and scream, “I hate God! I hate the Devil! I hate the living, and I hate the dead!”
And dare lightning to strike me.
So that was all good.
headline of the day
Man Assaults Wife for Not “Liking” His Facebook Update
We Won Backyard Garden of the Year
Kristopher designed this four years ago. Subcontractors did the structures and masonry, we did the garden. This year, the garden grew into the space it was meant to be.
Reactions to the First iPod Announcement in 2001
Apple fans were not kind to Steve Jobs’ new digital product.
“iPoop… iCry. I was so hoping for something more.” –elitemacor
“Sounds very revolutionary to me. hey – heres an idea Apple – rather than enter the world of gimmicks and toys, why dont you spend a little more time sorting out your pathetically expensive and crap server line up? or are you really aiming to become a glorified consumer gimmicks firm? ” –Pants
“I still can’t believe this! All this hype for something so ridiculous! Who cares about an MP3 player? I want something new! I want them to think differently! Why oh why would they do this?! It’s so wrong! It’s so stupid!” –WeezerX80
Hindsight is a bitch.
Three More, the Third Day…
Tussel kept the pedal to the floor, pushing through resistance. The dusky, snow-blown scenery in his frost-glazed periphery, rushing and slowing as gusting wind pushed against him. Tussel’s car the beleaguered transport toward a what he could not yet name a why for.
Three for Today (Day Two)
Troy Davis died yesterday by the hand of justice. Many factions fought both sides. When does truth lie?
Three “perfect” self-contained sentences a day…
Tussel bore left on the wye West–North, West-northish. Nosing his old de Ville into wind-chill rushing across glacial tundra and down, from a thousand miles ahead. Forty-five miles an hour, nine miles a gallon, Tussel gripped the wheel, leaned into the accelerator, pressing the head-wind.
I already screwed up. They’re not “self-contained.”
The Oracle
Dear Google,
How are you? I am fine. I have a couple of queries, so back the hell off with the auto-fill answers for right now, okay?
So, seriously, how do you know so much? If I could access useless information as quickly as you do, I would get totally laid. Lightning-quick responses to trivia questions are an absolute panty-dropper—everybody understands that women can’t resist a guy who can do that.
the only reason I hate fall
is because now I have to exert even more effort to ignore football related stuff on the web.
I Thought All Was Lost…
Danny and I were watching a movie this afternoon. I jumped over the back of the couch to retrieve my pillow, turned around and toppled my cocktail over the laptop. The glass broke on the floor, ice cubes laying over my keyboard sitting next to the arm of the couch. Danny rushed the laptop up to the hair-dryer as I mopped up the floor. A few hours ago, after, the laptop would not start up. I was trying to use his netbook and feeling really unhappy about it, it not having all my stuff on it. At worst, I pictured the laptop at the spa the next few days. But just now I thought, “I’ll try it once more.” Here I am! I guess a few more hours drying time made the difference.
TG! TG, almighty!
From 102 to 67…
In 36 hours. Out on the patio, I’m shivering.
As the Spirit Moveth
A pentecostal minister has provoked the ire of her fellow believers after praying in tongues via her Facebook wall.
(The Dish)
For 24 hours…
our internet connection, at the house, has been off. It just came back on 20 minutes ago. I’m FULL of shit to share. (Well, sort of full.) I feel like I lost the feeling in both my arms and got it back.
Thinking of you, Clusterflock!
Went down the rabbit hole…
…following organ music tonight.
Again, I wish there were an “I’m sorry” category.
Of Fox & Facebook
Fox News invited the spokesman for an Atheist group onto one of their programs to discuss a recent lawsuit opposing a cross-shaped memorial at Ground Zero. Almost immediately afterwards, the Fox News Facebook page was flooded with thousands of comments:
Following the appearance of Blair Scott, the Communications Director for the American Atheists, Inc., on Fox News’ America Live show, the network’s Facebook page was overrun with death threats and other violent commentary—more than 8,000 messages advocating rape, murder and crucifixion of any and all atheists, in fact.
(Italics mine) I don’t think it’s any secret that the comments on Facebook posts tend to resemble the graffiti on bathroom stalls, but even I was shocked by the comments. In fairness (and balance, I suppose), Fox News did make a point to delete the post (before it got too out of hand, I guess) and made the following statement:
We make every attempt to keep our Facebook page as safe as possible and we take immediate steps to remove all hateful and dangerous language.
Irony noted.
pregnancy tourism for a master race
In the film, the lady tells us how she isn’t the first, and “definitely not the last” to travel this far to have an Aryan child, one who, she imagined, would grow up grateful for the gift of racially superior intelligence. She speaks of an organised system behind such pregnancy tourism, but refuses to elaborate. “It’s not wrong, what I’m doing,” she says, “I’m paying for what I want.”
The movie is called Achtung Baby: In Search of Purity, and is about German women travelling to Indian villages to get knocked up by men they believe are the last of the pure Aryans.
(via the browser)
Just a Quick Postcard…
Danny has the most accepting, loving family in the world. (I’m convinced, prove me wrong.) We’re in Rockton, on the Wisconsin/Illinois border half-way between Chicago (East edge of Northern Illinois) and Galena (West edge. Sheila might lead you to believe Galena is a suburb of Chicago, and in many respects, it is, but it could be counted an outlier.)
I was born near here, in Rockford. Today there was a celebration of Holly’s birthday and Uncle Doug’s (Holly is Danny’s niece, a 29 year-old Danish beauty, Doug is Danny’s 60-year-old brother–with a beauty that can’t be matched in song.) Today while celebrating, Danny and I also got notice for our having been together 24 years, today.
Y’all I hope I’m not being too sappy. But I’m so happy I could bust. Y’all, this family Loves.
quote out of context
How do they think our soldiers feel coming back to Arizona and hearing some Middle Eastern term?
from the moderated comments
Dallas needs to stop being so lily-livered about the event that defines it. Okay, we’re the City of Hate. Yes! That’s us. We love to Hate. I love how our Roller Derby league calls itself Assassination City. It’s perfect.
You know something, the people this offends are all old and stopping buying anything a long time ago. We need to bring in people with money who are interested in that very colorful phase of our history and cater to it, DAMMIT!
I’ve written articles on this for D Magazine. go to my website and read them
