from the comments
The tree is a huge native holly, from a distance it looks like a magnolia. And as the ice thaws, the birds swarm their favorite party tree, stripping it of fermented berries. They create a ruckus, but not the high, shrill din the hawk’s appearances bring. More like they’re sitting on bar stools, trying to out-cheep each other. Little drunkards.
Your mother wears combat boots into Japanese apartments, which is impolite.
And other modern insults.
(via @tcarmody)
Dear ‘The Situation’, the situation is…
Abercrombie says a connection to The Situation goes against the “aspirational nature” of its brand and may be “distressing” to customers. The Ohio-based retailer says it has offered a “substantial payment” to Sorrentino and producers of the MTV show so he’ll wear something else.
How to email a student
I’ve recently started working at a university and I’ve never dealt with ruder people. This is sage advice for anybody, professor or not:
Address the writer by name.
Reply as if you’re speaking, not as if you’re writing a telegram.
Sign off. See you in class or See you next week can help make a prof sound less like the Delphic oracle and more like an everyday human.
He also has an exceedingly great piece on How to email a professor. (via @mattthomas)
from the comments
He sounds like the clodbuster who followed us around at the Conger House Museum in Washington, Iowa, during the funeral home exhibit (tricks of the death trade, 1800s style, or something like that). The rare sound of the southern Appalachian foothills apparently caught his ear. I couldn’t get over the exhibit and was lost in a verbal boomerang. “OMG, look at how tiny that coffin is, lordy! You don’t think that’s a mummy in there do you? This paper says it’s a WOMAN! There’s a net over her face to keep off INSECTS!” The clodbuster probably had seen a Virginia car tag in the lot. Finally, he made his way to the Iowan, farm cap in hand, and announced, “You’re not from around here.” Matter of fact, not aggressive. Just making a statement about a certain person’s museum viewing theatrics.
Of Fox & Facebook
Fox News invited the spokesman for an Atheist group onto one of their programs to discuss a recent lawsuit opposing a cross-shaped memorial at Ground Zero. Almost immediately afterwards, the Fox News Facebook page was flooded with thousands of comments:
Following the appearance of Blair Scott, the Communications Director for the American Atheists, Inc., on Fox News’ America Live show, the network’s Facebook page was overrun with death threats and other violent commentary—more than 8,000 messages advocating rape, murder and crucifixion of any and all atheists, in fact.
(Italics mine) I don’t think it’s any secret that the comments on Facebook posts tend to resemble the graffiti on bathroom stalls, but even I was shocked by the comments. In fairness (and balance, I suppose), Fox News did make a point to delete the post (before it got too out of hand, I guess) and made the following statement:
We make every attempt to keep our Facebook page as safe as possible and we take immediate steps to remove all hateful and dangerous language.
Irony noted.
Before the deluge
There was a dramatic storm yesterday in my corner of the Back of Beyond, but I made it back home before the apocalypse broke loose. I got lucky, as a couple of hours before heaven and earth erupted, I was driving from Galena to Dubuque when something sharp punctured my tire and I pulled over to the shoulder.
Back when I was a young wonder woman, I’d change a tire without a second thought. I have a load of good tire-changing memories. I Am Woman. Hear Me Roar! In fact, a friend still trembles when he recalls the time I changed a seriously recalcitrant tire on my VW Beetle late one night out in the scary Dallas suburbs after we’d seen some film or other at a community college or a branch of UT. Some big strapping passer-by guy I’d asked for help wouldn’t help, for reasons that remain unclear. Maybe it was because we looked like the hippie dope fiends that we were. Anyway, I was so pissed that my friend said he could feel the earth tremble when I stomped back to the car. I loosened lug nuts that had till then resisted both his and my best efforts.
But yesterday. Well, it was not the best of days, and I was in a fuck-it mood, so I phoned AAA, and they contacted a garage owner who drove from East Dubuque (< 10 miles) and did the dirty work.
I will say this: While I was waiting, two guys did stop to ask if I needed help. A young guy from a nearby logging camp and a fat middle-aged guy who looked kind of like John Wayne Gacy. I thanked them and told them help was on the way. And this evening, when I stopped by the general store where my friends work, Jodie asked whether that was my car she saw as she and her husband were heading back toward Galena from Dubuque yesterday. Yep, but not to worry, I said, as there’d been no sign I was in any trouble.
My East Dubuque rescuer, the guy who drove out and changed my tire, was my age (or older) and a business owner, so I didn’t slip him any currency, as I’d ordinarily have done. This past winter, when — after 7 hours of Chicago highway rush hour disabled vehicular hell — a really nice young tow-truck driving dude helped me out, I definitely handed him a wad of cash, and he said he was happy to have some bucks to pay for his evening meal.
headline of the day
Retailer Apologizes For Featuring Holocaust-Themed Jacket
Texas introduction
Fuck’s your name, anyway?
A real person
spam name
Staverton Bardolf
“Oh, go fuck yourself”
That such brutal language as “You cock-sucking son of a bitch!” “You prick-eating bastard!” “You cunt-lapping dog!” “Kiss my ass, you son of a bitch!” “A dog must have fucked your mother when she made you!” “I fucked your mother, you sister, your wife!” “I’ll make you suck my ass!” “You cock-sucker!” and many other revolting terms are used by a limited number of players to intimidate umpires and opposing players, and are promiscuously used upon the ball field, is vouched for by the almost unanimous assertion of those invited to speak, and who are competent to speak from personal knowledge. Whether it be the language quoted above, or some other indecent and infamous invention of depravity, the League is pledged to remove it from the ball field, whether it necessitates the removal of the offender for a day or for all time. Any indecent or obscene word, sentence, or expression, unfit for print or the human ear, whether mentioned in these instructions or not, is contemplated under the law and within its intent and meaning, and will be dealt with without fear or favor when the fact is established by conclusive proof.
This may or may not be an actual memo sent to Major League Baseball players in 1898 as part of a campaign to eradicate foul language from the game, but who gives a fuck, you worthless ball licker?
(via the browser)
on attribution and credit
Regardless of context, John Gruber speaks the truth:
Why do we put bylines on stories in the first place? Because writers deserve credit, obviously. But bylines also serve the reader. All work is better when it is signed by its creators. Edward Tufte says:
Agencies, departments, and organizations don’t do things — people do things. People’s names should be on things to foster both accountability and pride.
When Is It OK for Me to Send a Girl a Picture of My Penis?
Like, Drew Barrymore seems like a cool lady who likes penises. Remember when Drew Barrymore surprised David Letterman with her breasts, and everybody was like, Ha ha. Oh, that Drew. If David Letterman had surprised Drew Barrymore with his penis, everybody would have kind of been like, Whoa! Not cool, Dave.
It’s a double standard, to be sure, but we knew this. So, for the life of me, I don’t understand why you would send a penis-surprise to somebody who you weren’t absolutely sure would treasure it.
Joyce McKinney calls Pete Ashton
In honor of the impending release of Errol Morris’s Tabloid, I give you Joyce McKinney’s call to Pete Ashton.
[haiku url="http://www.clusterflock.org/wp-content/uploads/2011/06/joycemckinneycallspeteashton.mp3" title="" graphical="true"]
Update: clusterflock’s visit from Joyce.
the lion’s choice
When is fighting a lion not a matter of life or death?
It’s up to the lion. If he chooses to withdraw, or surrender, and lets me tie him up, then I will not kill him and the fight will end. But, like I said, if it comes down to either me or him, I will have to kill him. But I don’t want to kill the lion, nor am I planning on it. I want to make that clear.
Opening doors for women requires their cooperation
If you get to the door before a woman, opening the door is simple. Just open the door and hold it for her. Things get awkward when you and your gal arrive at the door at the same time or she gets there before you. In these types of situations, opening doors becomes much like a dance. Each sex has a role they need to fill for the operation to successfully work. If your lady arrives at the door before you or at the same time as you, she should step slightly to one side so that you can open the door without knocking her on her tuckus. If she opens the door for herself, that’s not a problem.
SENNA
A trailer for a documentary about Formula One World Champion Ayrton Senna. Regardless of whether you plan to watch the movie, there are some racing moments here that are electric magic.
Senna is considered by many to be the best driver in Formula One history.
(via @gary_hustwit)
Animated Fowl and (or in) Trousers
“You’ll notice you never saw an animated duck wearing pants.”
Nope. Never. Same for animated parrots.
But take a look at the animated rooster, Panchito Pistoles, in this clip from Disney’s The Three Caballeros (1944).
“Get that cock into a pair of britches, fer crissake!”
Offer: 3 bowling balls
Posted to the Dubuque Freecycle list Sat May 7, 2011 4:21 pm (PDT):
3 older bowling balls that no longer get used. Serious inquiries only. Please don’t waste your time and mine.
I’d buy that app.
Fuck it I’ve heard enough, I’m going to make some killer android app that listens to every word you hear and uses Google’s voice recognition shit and some semantic networks and logistic regression crap and fucking starts chirping at you whenever it detects someone is hitting on you, make it look like an incoming call from captain obvious or something. It make take a while to accumulate enough training data to detect every subtle hint but it should pick this one up pretty easily. #
One of the 5,661 comments on From Male Redditors: What are some hints females gave you, but you didn’t get them until after you had your chance?
Read more
from the comments
It’s important, when likely not dying of rabies, not to trouble people about it who wouldn’t be concerned if you were.
Tweet of the Day
headline of the day
NJ woman chides NYC smoker, gets stabbed with pen
Holy High Gas Prices!
A Georgia pastor is gathering his congregation and assembling at gas pumps to pray for lower gas prices:
WMAZ-TV reports the Beacon of Light Christian Center is planning the Saturday prayer gathering at gas pumps outside a Kroger grocery store in Dublin.
Pastor Marshall Mabry said he believes that if church members come together and pray as a community, they can make something happen.
Mabry said that with prices reaching almost $4, he says he plans to ask God for help.
He said it’s the third time members of his congregation have met at gas pumps to pray.
Mabry said he wants to start a movement which spreads from the small town of Dublin to the rest of the nation.
I find it ironic that, for folks who believe in prayer, it hasn’t occurred to ask instead for an end to war in the Middle East, as opposed to an arbitrary dip in the price of a barrel of oil.
