quote out of context

Tastes like ketchup soda

Michael Grant Smith doesn’t think tomato juice should ever taste fizzy. Experts agree.

Recently, in a storefront laboratory in Chinatown, Piper Kristensen, a bartender and occasional lab assistant who works for the avant-garde bar Booker and Dax in the East Village, studied a SodaStream Penguin. It had arrived fitted with a new feature, a device that was preventing him from carbonating the clear tomato juice he had purified in a centrifuge. He probed the carbonator’s dispensing valve, figured out that its plastic collar had to be raised, and twisted on a rubber band. In short order, he poured a fizzy cocktail of tomato juice, vodka and sugar into elegant cordial glasses.

He handed one to his boss, Dave Arnold, formerly the director of culinary technology at the International Culinary Center as well as an owner of Booker and Dax. Mr. Arnold sipped. “It tastes like ketchup soda,” he said. “Maybe you should go back to the egg cream.”

It’s the best

Scrabbling to gobble at the cruise ship trough, then scrambling for a spot to shit it all out

Where’s my rubber chicken?

I bought a rubber chicken purse, but it turned out to be vinyl. It stinks.

Where’s my rubber chicken?

It’s outside tonight. Off-gassing.

Don’t bother clicking this

Study: smokers have shorter life expectancy than nonsmokers

Smokers lose at least one decade of life expectancy over non-smokers on average according to a study in the New England Journal of Medicine.

(via NBCNews.com)

Fight over soda at East Dallas apartment sends pillow, glass jar, chicken flying

A Dallas man was arrested early Wednesday after he and a woman came to blows over a soda, police said.

By the end of the argument, a glass jar, a tire iron, a pillow and a box of chicken were all used as weapons, according to a police report.

Diamond Lydia, 18, is being held on a charge of aggravated assault.

I think this would be a welcome addition to most sports

and a picture of Bob Marley

Middletown, Ohio Police Blotter

(From the Middletown Division of Police and the Middletown Journal):

Jan. 11

A furnace was stolen before 1:20 p.m. from a home in the 3900 block of Grand Avenue. The copper coil to the furnace, however, was not stolen. The home was vacant and multiple people have keys to the property.
Read more

The Blessed Virgin

done tumped over in plain view on Main Street with the Baby J clutching at her tit.

dear clusterflock

Say, here’s an idea. What say we establish a bizarro clusterflock for hackers, extremists, and miscellaneous goofbuckets? SHOUTING! And the SWORD!

We could even make it user-friendly by modeling it on bilingual sites. You know, sites that offer you the GERMAN or the ENGLISH version.

Visitors to the bizarro clusterflock could opt, say, for the MY WAY OR THE HIGHWAY-KRAZEE-CHRISTIAN version or the MY WAY OR THE HIGHWAY-KRAZEE-MUSLIM version.

There are infinite variations.

Crazy Court is back in session –

– at least in reruns.

Hoisting this post is as poignant for me as it is funny. I’ve been in Dallas for a couple of weeks, in part seeing to troubles swirling around my long-time friend Lee, who’s been diagnosed with a form of dementia.

Lee’s last paying job after her formal retirement was a part-time gig writing summaries of lawsuits filed in various district courts of Galveston (TX) County. Before that, she was . . . oh-so-many and oh-so-much. Read more

what it is what it is

You’re hurting my eyes

and you’re hurting my mind and I wish the hell you would stop. And not just for my sake.

Please take a breath and reconsider posting that captioned image du jour. Do you know the one I mean? Its import is by and large political; oftimes it will feature a stock photo of a politician (or two) emblazoned with a snappy quip, ill-positioned and rendered in an ugly font. You must know what I have in mind.

I see such images mainly on Facebook, where they’re hard to avoid without hiding all of your posts.

And I wonder: What is the point?

These clumsy graphics you share and re-share are not great nor even good political art. They are not effective pieces of propaganda. They simply confirm sentiments held by the bulk of your contacts.

And they look like they been slapped together by somebody whomping an ugly stick.

So: For my sake and for your sake and for the sake of all that is true and beautiful, will you please pause and consider whether you really want to share that lame-ass piece of dreck?

Review of Piggly Wiggly Brand Ground Pork Sausage

My English pen pal Ian is intrigued by the US grocery store chain Piggly Wiggly; he shared this with me, and I would like to share it with you.

As my friend notes, “this man has a ‘bachelor’s degree in journalism and history from the University of Wisconsin at River Falls,’ so you should listen to him.”

This was the first time we have purchased this product and, to be perfectly honest, the only reason we bought it this time around is we couldn’t figure out where our regular brands were (it turns out they were in a completely different part of the store). However, the price wasn’t terrible and, since we’ve had luck with store brands in the past, we did have high hopes for it.

Unfortunately, this sausage did not live up to our expectations.

Texas Charm and an iPhone

When I was growing up, I was afraid of two things: my mother and Russians. We had to practice duck-and-cover drills, and even as a grade school student I had to swear each year on a form that I was not a communist. I had nightmares of bombs falling from the sky. I still do sometimes, though I know Commies are now a symbol for other threats in my life.

I don’t think anybody other than Mitt Romney now thinks Russia is a threat to anybody. I think we mostly feel sorry for them — they seem rather pathetic, don’t they? And I don’t mean that in a mean way (not even after yesterday). I mean it more in a southern “bless your heart” kind of way. Mean, no — condescending, probably.

By the time my friend Lou Thompson asks the rhetorical question, “I mean really, do I look like I’d start trouble? Just wait before you answer that,” I bet you will want to read all the way through to the end of her post from The City Formerly Known as Leningrad, St. Petersburg.

Politics as Usual

I was thinking this morning about the government gridlock in Washington, but it upset me, so I sat down at the computer to calm myself and look at a few of my favorite sites. The connection ran slower and slower until my browser froze. This made me even angrier. Instead of punching my monitor, I went into the kitchen to have breakfast—I thought it would take my mind off whatever troubled me. The yogurt container was completely empty, which didn’t matter because the refrigerator apparently stopped working last night and all my food was spoiling. I decided to go buy ice in an attempt to save some of the food, but my car wouldn’t start and I had to jump it from a battery charger. The cable was frayed and it gave me a nasty shock. Now I was super-mad. After jumping around for a while, I shook off the tingling sensation in my arm and drove to the convenience store for ice for my food and a bandage for the electrical burn on my hand. I ran out of gas on the way home, because the car’s fuel gauge has been broken for a long time and I can’t afford to keep the tank filled, thanks to the high gas prices those assclowns in Washington seem to be unable to do anything about, which really pisses me off and then my ice melted.

From my site (here)

clusterstache?

I was too busy posting pictures of my family at the beach on twitter to bother with the razor.

WTF?

Mr. Pig’s Barrel Train

“That’s a nice train you got there, Mr. Pig. Ain’t got many passengers yet.”

That is all.

Offer: Elmo toy

Posted to the Dubuque Freecycle list:

Chicken Dance Elmo. A little dirty, but works.

Sent from my Verizon Wireless smartphone

Now what?

2011 was the ninth-warmest year on record:

The finding continues a trend in which nine of the 10 warmest years in the modern meteorological record have occurred since the year 2000.

photo out of context

for the Texans, specifically

Dallas teen missing since 2010 was mistakenly deported:

There are still many unanswered questions about how an African-American girl who speaks no Spanish is mistaken for a foreign national.

headline of the day

PayPal hates violins

What is the proper way to dispose of the American flag?

Found. December 31, 2011.

Funk songs from Vietnam GIs

If you didn’t get a Christmas present from me, it’s because I’m waiting till the New Year to buy you East of Underground: Hell Below. (Thanks to Valerie for the tip.)

In 1971 the US was pulling troops out of Vietnam, and its bases in Germany were full of draftees at a loose end. “You were painting shovels, picking up cigarette butts – it was a lot of busy-work,” remembers former serviceman Lewis Hitt. “There was a longing by everyone, especially the draftees, to get home and go back to what you were doing before.”

This was the crucible in which were formed scores of raucous funk bands made up of servicemen, four of which have just been compiled by Now-Again Records. Adoring crowd noise was crudely dubbed on top of their records, which were then distributed in recruitment centres. These bands were used by the army to present service as varied, even hip. But the songs they cover – the bitter, suspicious likes of Backstabbers and Smiling Faces Sometimes – undermine any potential propagandising.

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