Stabbin’ Cabin: World’s Swept

In the nameless midwest a puppy encounters a force he doesn’t understand.

Music: “Evil Ball” by Sinoia Caves

Dear Clusterflock: What was the most comforting condolence sentence you ever heard?

Stolen from Metafilter. I don’t have a MeFi account, so I can’t even favorite things over there, much less comment. So I figured I’d re-pose the question here.

The MeFi thread is great, but bring tissues. I loved this one most:

My uncle, Albert Crary, was an extraordinary man. Not only was he an explorer and scientist of both poles (The Crary Mountains in Antarctica were named by him and the A.P. Crary Science and Engineering Center at McMurdo Station was named fo him) but he gathered stories like no one I’ve ever met. At his public memorial in Washington DC at, I believe, the Cosmos Club, speaker after speaker got up and told about his staunchness, his incredible endurance, but most importantly, they all told a funny story about him: The time he fell off the ice shelf and what he said to the preacher after his rescue when the preacher came looking for a good sermon. The time he went shopping for supplies in South America when they were running a geophysical line across a South American swamp. The time my father put my brother up to calling him and acting like a dumb reporter asking the stupidest questions imaginable about the ice island T3.

Months later, we had a private memorial in his hometown of Canton, New York. One-by-one his nieces, nephews, in-laws and friends got up and told more stories. To all of us he’d been the source of fun, support and laughter when we were growing up – he never let any of us take ourselves too seriously, but he was always there when anyone needed help. When my turn came, I got up, told my story and then said this:

Everyone deserves an Uncle Albert, we were just fortunate enough to have had one.
posted by BillW at 5:23 PM on March 30

(Via the wonderful Ed Yong.)

Internet hatred burns eternally

Clusterflock.com? More like Cluster-steal ideas from other blogs just because noboody reads them so it’s easy to get away with.com

What’s the word for when people steal ideas from other people and then fail to properly cite the person who had the original – and usually much funnier – idea in the first place? You know that thing that college kids are always being kicked out of school for?

Oh, that’s right. It’s murder. Clusterflock is guilty of murder.

Read more

out of context

To be clear, where I work should no longer be described as a “home”, but more a “Bunker of dark Elven magic.” Eleven years have allowed me to transform this garden apartment into the perfect symbiotic workspace, drawing from the best aspects of the Batcave (Burton-era), Tony Stark’s workshop, Cerebro, and the Batcave (Nolan-era).

via stellar

Headline you can’t read because you’re not here

National Day of Unplugging encourages 24 hours of enlightenment

(via SlashGear)

Wholly holy holey jeans

Jesus Jeans has reportedly warned dozens other apparel start ups in the US against using Jesus in their brand since winning the patent.

Others to have been warned include ‘Jesus First’, ‘Sweet Jesus’ and ‘Jesus Couture’.

(via The Daily Mail)

I got road-raged by a nun.

As if driving through Middletown isn’t scary enough. It was like Duel, but more horrifying because there she was!  The driver–one of those Appalachian dried apple dolls in a habit with one wiry hand on the steering wheel, a crooked nose and feral determined staring eyes peering over the dash of a massive white Crown Vic. That’s what loomed in my rear-view mirror, but the side views were BOOM left headlight, BOOM right headlight, BOOM left headlight… she was all over me like a cop.  I’m talking nice residential area here, but girlfriend was in a hurry and I was in her way.

After a couple miles of this, she turned into the parking lot of the First Presbyterian Church.  I spect somebody in there got their ass kicked.

He’ll escape. He has to escape.

Runaway Goat Captured By Former African Goat Herder In Brooklyn

(via The Gothamist)

(Still running)

“Titanic” scene from “The Unsinkable Molly Brown”

Debbie Reynolds. Spunky. Feisty.

from the archives: December 20, 2010

Chicken on a Raft

 

 How long can you last?

 

The Blessed Virgin

done tumped over in plain view on Main Street with the Baby J clutching at her tit.

Scary Stories:

You know some people talk about being abducted by aliens. I won’t say I have been, but I’ll tell you this much. When I was little, I dreamed I was falling asleep and just as I was nodding off, I felt a weight settle on the bed at my feet. I looked down to see a cat-eyed, long-limbed creature crawling up my legs toward my face. I screamed out, Daddy came. We didn’t have a cat at the time.

In a motel in a northern suburb of Denver, working retail for a couple of weeks a few years ago, I was awakened by something yanking me completely out of the bed by the big toe. I awoke drenched in sweat and in the same position I fell asleep.

Lately when napping, I’ve felt the bed settle, as if a weight lands near my feet, as if a cat has jumped on the bed. I look to find nothing there.

dear clusterflock

In need of cheap lodging for perhaps 4-6 weeks. Have access to same for period required. Physical conditions rough but livable.

Note: Premises likely haunted.

Question: Is this wise?

Crazy Court is back in session –

– at least in reruns.

Hoisting this post is as poignant for me as it is funny. I’ve been in Dallas for a couple of weeks, in part seeing to troubles swirling around my long-time friend Lee, who’s been diagnosed with a form of dementia.

Lee’s last paying job after her formal retirement was a part-time gig writing summaries of lawsuits filed in various district courts of Galveston (TX) County. Before that, she was . . . oh-so-many and oh-so-much. Read more

photo out of context

We bought a house

Or — more accurately — Amy and her mother bought a house in which they, I, and Amy’s sister live. I’ve learned a few things by living in an owned home for the first time since I started college.

  • Mowing an acre with a push mower is no less ridiculous now than it was when I was in high school
  • I don’t have nearly enough tools
  • There are certain things you should pay someone else to do.
  • If it can be done with a hammer, pliers, a screwdriver, and a utility knife, you should probably do it yourself
  • Don’t trust anyone to whom you will be giving money
  • Sometimes you have to put the cart before the horse for your own sanity

Any tips on home ownership/maintenance would be welcome.

how do I feel about…

…this car?

Snapshots from your orientation for child custody mediation

One of the few people there without visible tattoos

a 2 hour video filmed in the 80s, painfully relaying information that could’ve been put on a single sheet of paper, bad actors answering obvious questions: what is mediation, what if i cant get along with my ex-wife? The most heartbreaking nugget of advice to not strike or scream at the other parent during your mediation.

A ten minute break to go feed the (2 hr max) meters outside the courthouse.

The goth chick in the front row with sleeve tattoos from wrist to shoulder, still wearing both rings. Looking more sad than goth, despite her elaborate makeup.

The black grandmother in the back with her (18? 20?yo son) asking lots of questions while her son remained silent

The perverse combination of drivers ed/jury duty, with your marriage being ripped to shreds

The guy who was clearly in a multi-year saga who called the second mediator to talk to us “a cunt” under his breath.

Three fanny packs???

The guy who alternated between snoring asleep on the table and reading his bible.

The final 45 minute video – talking head interviews with children of divorced parents, narrated by an adult female talking in persona child of divorce. “Don’t use us as spies.”

WANTED: clown outfits (dubuque)

Posted to the Dubuque Freecycle list:

Hi All,

I am in need of clown customs or anything dealing with clowns, for a clown themed Birthday party for an adult.

Thank you

image out of context

Despair

per usual, another Russian boy doing insane parkour


via Stellar Interesting

finally

About a year ago this post went up without much explanation:

Joel and Deron* have put on something over their jockstraps.

*The one he wears like a mask*.

*To block the image of Michael nesting in Troy Polamalu’s hair*.

*A frequent dream of Deron’s that leaves him feeling oddly aroused.

Originally created by Michael on September 9, 2010 and scheduled to publish the morning following the Super Bowl the post looked like this:

The NFL season has ended

And was changed by Deron on September 12:

I have the strength to say it. Deron, you are the handsomest man I know.

Read more

Metta World Peace thanks Jesus Christ that he still has his teeth

So not only did he build the world in seven days and seven nights, but he also said, “OK, let them lose their teeth early, rather than late.”

Von Trier’s Antichrist

I finally found the strength to look at it. I didn’t want to look for so long. Finally, I looked this afternoon. Anyone else seen it? Your take?

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