Andeeeeee monthly (wee hope) gazette | For Andrew
Andeeeeee monthly (wee hope) gazette: The journal of the Andy Warhol Fan Club of New York City, ca. 1965 / Andy Warhol Fan Club of New York City. Newsletter : 5 p. : ill. ; 36 x 22 cm. Leo Castelli Gallery records, circa 1957-1990. Archives of American Art.
dear clusterflock
Know any Larry King jokes?
I remembered a joke!
Middle-aged guy at the doctor’s office for a check-up.
Doctor: Have you had sex in the last two weeks?
Man: No, my birthday’s in April.
story in search of a punchline
Twelve Clemson linemen missed the pregame meal trapped in an elevator between the first and second floors.
“The fire department came. They had to break the door and hold it to where they could crawl out and jump down. There were standing ovations as they were coming out soaking wet. They were shaken up by it. I told them in there … this is about momentum. No fire alarm, no elevator, none of that could have stopped the momentum we’re building. They shook it off and we went back.”
from the spam
Fred: Betty has lovely long red hair all down her back. Harry: Pity it’s not on her head!
Raymond Carver Mad Libs
Courtesy of Yankee Pot Roast, fill in the blanks to craft your own dark, gritty masterpiece of postmodern humanism. Easy! Fun! [Expletive!]
(h/t Maud Newton)
from the comments
Wife to Husband: Look, buster, I made $100.25 last night. I don’t need you!
Husband: Who gave you twenty-five cents?
Wife: Every last one of ‘em!
Present Face – Garfunkel and Oates
Re: this conversation.
from the moderated comment spam
Eloisa Curlis:
Wow, It reminds me a joke i’ve heard yesterday. As the moral is closely the same! =) A guy in his forties purchased a brand-new Bmw and had been out on the interstate just for a wonderful evening ride. The top was initially down, a breeze was blowing through what was left of his wild hair and he decided to open her up. Since the hook hopped up to ninety mph, he suddenly saw blinking red and blue lights behind him. “There is no way they can catch this car!,” he thought to himself and opened her up even more. A hook come to ninety, hundred…. Next the reality of the problem strike him. “What the heck am I doing?” he thought and pulled over. The cop arrived up to him, took his licence without having any phrase and examined it as well as the car. “It’s happen to be a long evening, this is the end of my shift and it is Friday the 13th. I don’t feel like far more paperwork, thus if you’ll be able to provide me an reason for your driving a car that I haven’t heard before, you can go.” The guy thinks for a second and says, “Last week my spouse went off with a cop. I was worried you were trying to give her back.” “Have a great weekend,” says the policeman.
Bill Murray: Interviewed
Bill Murray has given a rare interview with GQ’s Dan Fierman. The actor has developed a bit of notoriety for his slightly misanthropic attitudes towards his work and collaborators. As Fierman notes, “If you—movie director, journalist, dentist—want to speak to him, you don’t go through any gatekeeper. You leave a message on an 800 number. If Bill Murray wants to speak with you, he’ll call you back. If his three and a half decades in the public sphere have taught us anything about the 59-year-old actor, it’s that he simply does not give a good goddamn.”
This was my favorite moment in the exchange:
Last question. I have to know, because I love this story and want it to be true. There have been stories about you sneaking up behind people in New York City, covering their eyes with your hands, and saying: Guess who. And when they turn around, they see Bill Murray and hear the words “No one will ever believe you.”
[long pause] I know. I know, I know, I know. I’ve heard about that from a lot of people. A lot of people. I don’t know what to say. There’s probably a really appropriate thing to say. Something exactly and just perfectly right. [long beat, and then he breaks into a huge grin] But by God, it sounds crazy, doesn’t it? Just so crazy and unlikely and unusual?
100 Greatest Movie Insults of All Time
This is real good. Here’s a list of all the movies.
Dear Clusterflock,
Can we keep the hostility below a blood relation level? I actually like you people.
What’s considered acceptable language in your family?
The Universe with Doctors Jimes Tooper and Donna Gust
dear clusterflock
Can someone explain this joke to me? I’m stumped:
“A man is on the phone with customer service spelling his name, “it’s Marty – that’s ‘M’ as in market, ‘A’ as in apple, ‘R’ as in red…” and the agent interrupts saying “Sorry – “R” as in what?”
from the spam
Do you want a fresh joke from net? Where did the vegetable go to get drunk? To the salad bar.
SarcMark
The punctuation mark for people who don’t understand sarcasm.
(thanks, Aaron)
dear clusterflock
It is soooooo cold…
Indeed
Dear Clusterflock
When have you laughed out loud in a completely inappropriate moment?
Old Jews Telling Jokes
The site is updated every Tuesday and Thursday. (via yewknee)
Never Gonna Give Your Teen Spirit Up
Happy Fourth Y’all
John Hodgman at Radio & TV Correspondents’ Dinner
The Gubler
It’s hard to explain precisely what this is, but I find it beyond brilliant. Matthew Gray Gubler is an actor, mostly known for his work on the TV show Criminal Minds. He made a series of documentaries about his life, and presented them as if someone else had made them. They are strange, and hilarious. The first one’s all right, but as they go on, they get better and better. More after the jump.
A final outburst!
God save little shops, china cups, and virginity!
God save the village green!
