Ask a law librarian
Warning: This one will break your heart.
Woman enters law library wearing old black pantyhose trimmed to be a doo-rag.
Woman: “I’m not doing very good but maybe you can help me.”
Librarian: “I’ll try.”
Woman: “Sir, I’m not crazy or anything, but I need to file a lawsuit against my husband who is an undercover informant for the police department.”
Librarian: “What type of lawsuit do you want to file?”
Woman: “I don’t know. I went to the DA’s office to see if they could help me but they told me they don’t file civil lawsuits for individuals and they threatened to put me in jail” (begins to cry freely).
Librarian: “Here.” (hands Kleenex box)
Woman: “This is what happened. I went to the hospital because my husband beat me up. He broke my nose, made my ears bleed, tore my face – that’s why I have scars on my nose and chin and eyes and in the hospital was where I got chipped.”
Ask a law librarian
Do y’all have emancipation proclamation forms?
Cat-Library™
This would solve all my problems. All of them.
(Via Dylan, who got it from Charlie)
Ask a law librarian
Caller: “I need t’ know whut ya gotta do to get a annulment.”
Librarian: “There are 7 grounds for annulment. Number one: underage. Number two: under the influence of alcohol or narcotics. Number three: impotency. Number four: fraud, duress, or force. Number five: mental incapacity. Number six: concealed divorce. Number seven: marriage less than 72 hours after issuance of license.”
Caller: “Oh, uh, oh, Freud! I think it was Freud! What do Freud include?”
Librarian: “Something like immigration fraud.”
Caller: “He’s black.”
Librarian: “And?”
Caller: “O.K., mental incapacity.”
Librarian: “You will have to prove it.”
Caller: “How do I prove I ain’t right in my right mind?”
Librarian: “Get some kind of proof from a doctor.”
Caller: “What kinda doctor? A crazy doctor?”
Librarian: “Any doctor.”
Caller: “Hmm. Which one you think I fit into?”
Librarian: “I can’t determine that. Do you want me to read the 7 grounds again?”
Caller: “Yeah.”
[Librarian reads the grounds for annulment again]
Caller: “O.K., I think thisn here’ll work. 72 hours.” [musingly] “twenty-fo, uh, thirty-six” [incoherent mutter] “fo-ty-eight…Seventy two f’om the first day, or the third day?”
Librarian: “What?”
From the law librarian
All of my best stuff is coming from others these days, via email.
Dear Cindy, how was your vacation? I am getting a little vacation in cataloging autopsy reports. It has me so stirred up that now at certain moments I look a coworker in the face very seriously, about to reply in the flow of whatever conversation, and say “gangreno-purulent appendicitis” or “obliterative fibrous pleuritis,” or “carbuncle!” or “pellagra!” just for the sheer joy of it. Of course my favorites are the prurient ones, like: “gangrene of scrotum” or “hypospadias.” There’s lots of syphilis deaths, including young children. There was no sex education back in the 1920s. So far the 3 main killers I’ve read about are: Tuberculosis, Syphilis, and Pneumonia (I capitalize them out of respect). There are lots of strokes and heart attacks too. One of the children was a 6 year old coal company worker with lung causes of death. So interesting.
Galena (Illinois) Public Library
Unaltered Digi Hari photograph of the Galena Public Library, constructed circa 1906. One of the many US libraries owing its existence (in part) to the Carnegie Foundation.
Ask a law librarian
I’m not a plaintiff, defendant, or respondant. I’m a custodial mama.
Ask a law librarian
Two guys enter, one small and scrawny, the other tall with huge pants and a hood. The scrawny one is holding a piece of paper with codes relating to criminal cases written on it.
Scrawny: “Yo man, what this here mean?”
Librarian: “UUMV?”
Scrawny: “Yeah.”
Librarian: “Unauthorized use of a motor vehicle.”
Scrawny: “Oh that it? Mean like when ya kinda steal a car?”
Librarian: “Uh, yeah.”
Tall companion: “Did we steal a car?”
Scrawny: “Well, she didn’ say we could use it.”
Ask a law librarian
Caller: “How much does it cost to file for divorce?”
Librarian: “Two-eighty.”
Caller: “Two dollars and eighty cents?”
Ask a law librarian
Overheard telephone conversation:
Librarian: “No, you do the petition.”
Caller: ?
Librarian: “You can’t do the petition and the answer to the petition.”
Caller: ?
Librarian: “No, I said you can’t do the petition AND the answer.”
Caller: ?
Librarian: “Are you the petitioner?”
Caller: ?
Librarian: “Who is the other party?”
Caller: ?
Librarian: “There has to be an other party.”
Caller: ?
Librarian: “Well you’re not filing a petition against yourself, are you?”
Caller: ?
Librarian: “Just because you can’t find him doesn’t mean there is no other party.”
Caller:?
Librarian: “You can’t fill out his answer yourself.”
Caller: ?
Librarian: “If you are the petitioner, just do the petition, and forget about the answer.”
Caller: ?
Librarian: “You’re welcome.”
headline of the day, IV
Hawk loose inside Library of Congress finally captured
Ask a law librarian
I need two copies. Does this machine coagulate?
Ask a law librarian
Deranged-looking man: “You know what I mean, uh, ya know, they just can’t go around neglectin’ a person when they know what a acoot disorder is ya see ya know what I mean because that paper shoulda bin give t’ me due to bi-partisanship ya know what I’m sayin’ ‘cause I was in a false imprisonment lockup deal ya know what I mean?”
Librarian: “What is it you want to do in court?”
Acoot disorder: “I wanna represent myself as an attorney you know you know what I mean but they say like they say ya know that I can’t like represent like myself but it say right chere a person has a right to represent his own very self.”
Librarian: “What is it that you are trying to do?”
Acoot disorder: “I wanna represent myself as an attorney but the book don’t tell me how much I can sue for. I need some damages know what I mean you know like some damages. I think I deserve half a mill but I’ll settle myself for 30 thousand.”
Librarian: “For?”
Acoot disorder: “Fo’ the right to represent myself. It say right chere ‘an individual litigant has the right to represent herself without an attorney.’ But I ain’t no herself. I’m a hisself. You got another book with that in it that say him or her?”
Librarian: “Well, that’s just a word. It includes male and female.”
Acoot disorder: “’Cause I’m a hisself ya know know what I mean an’ I have come to the realization that being sentenced to incarceration caused me to use medication so now self representation ya know they tellin’ me like I can’t represent myself ‘cause of my acoot disorder like ya know ya know what I mean ‘cause I’m like bipolar.”
Traces Left Behind
(Inspired by India’s post about David Hoyt and the letter and the bloodstained map.)
Years ago, in connection with a historical exhibition I curated, I organized a body of the Chicago Public Library’s archives that contained library correspondence and other papers of a man named Carl Roden, who from 1918 to 1950 served as chief of the city’s library system and died in 1956.
Now you do this sort of work and have any sensitivity, you often find yourself growing fond of the dead whose dead letters you sort, and I formed an attachment to Mr. Roden. Such were the times that a number of people apparently regarded the Chief Librarian of a large metropolitan library system as a wise man. You would be astounded at the queries that came his way — many of which he answered directly in a distinctive voice and with a droll wit. I came to regard him as a favorite great-uncle.
One day as my work on Roden’s papers was drawing to a close, I discovered one of those personal items that we all have lurking somewhere in our work correspondence. It was a typed draft of a statement he evidently intended for his family, and it was by way of an apology for bungling financial affairs. He wrote of various bad investments he had made and so on. It was painful to read.
Scrawled in pencil in the margin of the typewritten draft were the words:
But know that I loved you very much.
I rested my head in my hands and sobbed.
Quote of the Day (from Sheila’s Email)
My very first memories are of the public library in Mason City [Iowa], of eating bark with the Girls Next Door, Debbie and Angie (I bet they make guys eat bark to this day, those damn girls) and cramming M&Ms into the front pseudo-exhaust pipe ports on the side of a shiny new Buick.
Ask a law librarian
Man: “I need a summons.”
Librarian: “What are you trying to do?”
Man: “I’m trying to git my black Indian farmer money.”
Librarian: “Huh?”
Man: “Jus’ gimme the summons form.”
Librarian: “You get that from the constable who’s gonna serve it after you file downstairs.”
Man: “No, no, you don’t understand!” (lecturing) “A subpoena is something to make somebody give you information or documents; I need a summons to sue you – I don’t need no papers stamped or nothin’ I need a summons.”
Librarian: “I know what a summons is. That’s not the way this county does it.”
Man: “I know what I’m talking about! I’m not a layman in the law!”
Librarian: “Where are you filing?”
Man: “I don’t have to file or stamp nothin’! I just need a summons!”
Librarian: “Okay. What court are you trying to be in?”
Man: “Here, but for Oklahoma.”
Librarian: “Are you suing in Oklahoma, or are you suing in Texas?
Man: “To sue for my black Indian farmer money.”
Librarian: “I think you need to go down the street to the federal building.”
Man: “Do y’all do parking valedictation?”
from the comments
The law librarian has the strongest constitution I have ever encountered. She will eat anything. Years ago when she worked here, she brought in a restaurant-size jar of dill pickles that had “Keep Refrigerated” plastered all over it. She left it sitting on top of the refrigerator for months. One day I decided to ask her about it, and she said, “That’s ridiculous. Nobody could fit that into a refrigerator.”
Happy Birthday, QZAP!
So long as it is still November, I say it is still the seventh anniversary of the Queer Zine Archive Project.
QZAP has been online for seven years. What started as a way of sharing information from zines with radical queers at Queeruption has grown into a real living archive accessed by hundreds of people a day.
A wonderful living labor of love.
her accent is perfect
This is the sort of video that demands to stand by itself. (via)
Ask a law librarian
Woman at Westlaw terminal gives Librarian a menacingly dirty look and holds it, lingering.
Librarian [makes eye contact, raises shoulders with upward palms out]: “What?!!!”
Woman wears a clip-on-bun hair accessory and has the crazy-eyes. She begins to talk to her invisible friends, pointing and saying, “I want nothin’ to do with it!”
Librarian walks over, and woman turns to her: “I want nothin’ to do with that software!”
Librarian: “What software?”
Woman: “Adobe.”
Librarian: “What do you mean?”
Woman: “When that Adobe begins to generate, and populate, I know that it’s still doing it.”
Librarian: “What’s it still doing?”
Woman: “It stole my identity. And it’s still stealing from me. All my documents were stolen between September 28th and September 29th 2010. Everything I worked on – I was in litigations for many years. I know what’s going on. When Adobe starts generating, and populating…”
Librarian: “Um-hm.”
Woman: “I worked in litigations for many years. For 3 years.”
Librarian: “Um-hm.”
Woman: “I’m a notary.”
Librarian: “Why don’t you use Word or Wordperfect?”
Woman [suddenly more optimistic]: “But now I know what’s going on. I’m in the right place at the right time!”
A Favorite Scene from Good Will Hunting
See movie details.
Ask a law librarian
Woman in Kangol beret: “M’Daddy die, an’ bank say I need probate form.”
Librarian: “You need to take the form to the County Clerk.”
Kangol: “I don’t understand any of this. I don’t understand any of dese here words.”
Librarian: “Just fill in your information, Daddy’s name, when he died, where he died, and take it to the County Clerk to have it notarized.”
Kangol: “County Court?”
Librarian: “County Clerk.”
Kangol: “County Court.”
Librarian: “County Clerk.”
Kangol: “County Clork.”
Librarian: “County Clerk.”
Kangol: “County Clork.”
Librarian: “County Clork.”
Ask a law librarian
Female caller: “How can I get an annulment?”
Librarian: “Well, there are 7 grounds for annulment. I’ll read the list.
1: Underage
2: Under the influence of alcohol or narcotics”
Caller: “Well, we did have some drinks afterwards.”
Librarian: “3: impotency.”
Female [whispering]: “What’s that?”
Librarian: “Uh, a medical condition where…”
Female: “That mean he, uh, not up to the standard, uh…”
Librarian: “that depends on what you mean by ‘up to.’ “
Female: “I mean, like, 3 inches instead of 8 inches, somethin’ like that.”
Librarian: “Huh?”
Female: “I said like 3 inches instead of 8 inches or somethin’.”
Librarian: “I don’t think size has anything to do with it.”
Female: “OK, next. What’s number four?”
National Library of Haiti (January 12 2010)
Security cameras at Haiti’s National Library in Port-au-Prince captured these scenes from the initial moments of January’s quake. I find the footage weirdly hypnotic.
And yes, the date/time stamp is a week off.
Map moves from archive to artwork
“Rivers, Rails and Trails.” Miller Nichols Library addition at the University of Missouri-Kansas City.
The official title of the 1926 document is blandly descriptive: “Industrial and Railroad Map of Greater Kansas City.” You’re forgiven if those words generate not a spark of curiosity, much less inspiration.
But what if the original desk-top map were the size of a building, the image re-created through a series of perforations on metal, the whole thing lighted from behind?
