Robert Novak Drives to Top of McCain VP List
Mr. Novak was cited for failing to yield, a charge he angrily dismissed.
“I don’t yield and I never back down,” the syndicated political columnist and cockfighting hobbyist told the reflection in his shaving mirror Thursday. “Unless, of course, I change my mind or come up with a better story. That sort of thing.”
hey now, what’s that sound
A Wisconsin couple hears a sound none can detect. Is a link even necessary?
One-Way Gate of Praise
From the ticker: “McCain credits Bush for recent $10-a-barrel drop in oil price.” But of course he didn’t blame him for any of the rise in that price. The story notes that McCain believes it is the psychological effect of Bush’s lifting the ban on offshore drilling that did the trick–in spite of the fact that it would be almost twenty years before any oil from those wells hit the market. Funny that the recent news about gigantic oil reserves in Brazil didn’t prevent the rising prices of late.
the changing face of the american newspaper
It has fewer pages than three years ago, the paper stock is thinner, and the stories are shorter. There is less foreign and national news, less space devoted to science, the arts, features and a range of specialized subjects. Business coverage is either packaged in an increasingly thin stand-alone section or collapsed into another part of the paper. The crossword puzzle has shrunk, the TV listings and stock tables may have disappeared, but coverage of some local issues has strengthened and investigative reporting remains highly valued.
Critic Proofing
In an effort to make films “review proof” it is becoming increasingly common to forgo the press screening:
Recent movies released unseen by reviewers include The Oxford Murders, a crime story starring John Hurt, the spoof Epic Movie and The Invasion, a zombie remake starring Nicole Kidman. In these cases, critics’ organisations were advised that these films would not be screened at one of the traditional taster mornings and afternoons, known as “national press shows” when critics see new releases in central London cinemas between coffee and gossip. With even more secrecy, Solomons reports, the company handling Harold & Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay omitted even to tell the Film Distributors Association (FDA) that it was coming out at all. Critics first noticed it on London Underground posters.
British Tabloids: Amy Winehouse Better Than Britney
Ms. Winehouse’s acclaim could not have come at a better time for the sultry, beehived songstress, whose husband Blake Fielder-Civil received on the same day a twenty-seven month prison sentence for his June, 2006 conviction on dual charges of beating a Hoxton pub landlord and attempting to smoke a wicker chair.
While worldwide support for Ms. Winehouse has ebbed and flowed — depending upon her daily batshit-crazy antics — the devotion of her UK media fan base reflects traditional British values of loyalty, perseverance, and clinging tenaciously to lost causes.
trouser snake
A woman in Maine found “8 feet of reticulated python” in her laundry.
elderly woman saved from kangaroo by pet dog
Rosemary Neal, an elderly Australian woman, was saved from a kangaroo attack by her son’s pet dog.
The 6-foot-5-inch kangaroo lunged without warning at 65-year-old Rosemary Neal as she went to check on some horses in a paddock on the property near Mudgee, 160 miles northwest of Sydney on Friday, son Darren Neal said.
The kangaroo “just jumped up and launched straight at her,” Darren Neal said. “He hit her once and she just dropped and rolled. My dog heard her screaming and bolted down and chased him off.
“It wasn’t for the dog she’d probably be dead.”
McCain Advocates Phil Gramm Surge
“My friends — and I truly think of all of you as friends — listen up,” Mr. McCain told supporters and press. “The U.S. will withdraw from Iraq only after victory is achieved. We will achieve that victory by pounding the terrorists as if they are economical cuts of flank steak.”
“I have the military and foreign policy experience to make statements like that,” he continued in a strident, nasally voice, “even if I clearly can’t tell the difference between a Shiite and a Sunni.”
“This is all kinds of awesome.”
Erin knows what she is talking about:
An American Airlines flight from Boston to Los Angeles was diverted to Oklahoma City on Friday after a passenger stripped, put his clothes back on and then tried to open an emergency exit door before being subdued by members of a Major League Soccer team on board, the FBI said.
penal code
Calvin Morrett, the young man in this video, has been ordered to write a letter of apology to the city of Saratoga Springs and pay to have it published in local newspapers.
Don’t Fuck With the Little Guy
- A network administrator has locked up a multimillion dollar computer system for San Francisco that handles sensitive data and is refusing to give police the password, the San Francisco Chronicle reported Monday.
The employee, 43-year-old Terry Childs, was arrested Sunday. He gave some passwords to police, which did not work, and refused to reveal the real code, the paper reported.
I think this guy saw Live Free or Die Hard. Hope they don’t shoot him in the leg to get the code! See story here.
leash your fish
30 catfish walk through a South Florida neighborhood.
“I was, like, ‘No way, there’s fish in the street.’ And I kept going further and further, seeing fish everywhere. In driveways. I’ve never seen anything like it.”
Obama: New Yorker Cover Real After All
“The Senator’s outrage was entirely understandable,” said Mr. Obama’s communications director Bill Burton. “He simply didn’t expect anything like that to come from such a normally left-leaning source. Then he talked to Mrs. Obama and they agreed The New Yorker pretty much nailed it.”
“However,” Mr. Burton continued, “at no time or under any circumstance has Senator Obama ever consumed a human infant. He is not a baby-eater.”
InBev Buys Fannie Mae, Freddie Mac
“Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac have endured troubled times lately,” said InBev CEO Carlos Brito, “but that will change now that they have joined our corporate family. A little tweaking, some layoffs — there is no limit to what we can achieve together.”
“We often make our expansion decisions based on brand equity,” Mr. Brito added. “However, in this particular case the first thing we will do is change those incredibly stupid company names.”
“Men on a Mission”
The fellow who created this calendar of Mormon missionaries has been ex-communicated for presenting an unbefitting image of the church. (thanks, e)
A penny saved…
According to BBC News, “a bank in the Indian city of Calcutta has opened an account for a beggar who deposited 91kg (200lb) of coins in one of the bank’s branches.”
Iran Launches Oil Barrels into Persian Gulf
Tehran, Iran — The global petroleum market threw up a little in its throat Thursday as Iran commenced a second consecutive day of test firing oil-filled surface-to-surface missiles.
Determined to prove its courage, fortitude, and earnest resistance to common sense, the radical Islamic republic launched an estimated five hundred fully laden medium- and short-range Shahab-3, Scud-C, and Hoot missiles into the Straits of Hormuz, gateway to 40% of the world’s fuel supply.
Old Ladies Fight
Why did the shelf-stacker not wish to be named, I wonder:
A store worker said: “It was shocking.
“Seeing these two old ladies going for each other like that was truly disturbing.”
The shelf-stacker, who did not wish to be named, added: “They could have been seriously hurt - they were ramming each other like dodgems.”
Rush Limbaugh Turns Down Obama VP Job
Denver, CO — Radio talk-show pundit Rush Limbaugh became the latest notable public figure to remove his or her own name from consideration as Democratic Senator Barack Obama’s vice presidential running mate.
Mr. Limbaugh’s announcement followed recent similar rejections by Ohio Governor Ted Strickland, U.S. Senator Jim Webb of Virginia, and supermodel Christie Brinkley.
Man Uses Cheese Grater In Robbery
G8 Kind of Sucks
Japan, Russia, Britain, Germany, France, Italy, Canada, and the United States—the current G8—bear heavy criticism for possessing 90% of the world’s wealth, consuming 93% of its resources, controlling 85% of its military assets, and producing 97% of its reality-TV programs.
Each of these most powerful nations holds an adequate food supply, although much of it is contaminated, e.g., tomatoes or ground beef, or otherwise toxic, e.g., all fast food. Poorer countries cheerfully subsist on scant rations of rice, maize, sorghum, and cardboard.
Ninjas
People, alas, are dumb:
Public schools in Barnegat were locked down briefly after someone reported seeing a ninja running through the woods behind an elementary school.
Turns out the ninja was actually a camp counselor dressed in black karate garb and carrying a plastic sword.
Bozo the Clown dies at 83
Larry Harmon, also known as Bozo the Clown, died last week of congestive heart failure.
“I felt if I could plant my size 83AAA shoes on this planet, (people) would never be able to forget those footprints,” he said.
Poll: Cindy McCain Hotter than Michelle Obama?
A poll released Wednesday offers new evidence of a tightening 2008 White House race, with the candidates’ wives currently running in a statistical dead heat—an indication this year’s election could be decided by the public’s opinion about whichever prospective First Lady is the hottest.