tweet of the day
Whenever you hear a bell, an angel gets his wings. Whenever you hear Bohemian Rhapsody, a DJ gets to pee.
— Matthew Baldwin (@matthewbaldwin) January 28, 2012
The Mother Courage of Rock
She was skinny, quick-witted, disarmingly unprofessional, alternating between stand-up patter, bardic intonations, and the hypnotic emotional sway of a chanteuse, and she was sexy in an androgynous way I hadn’t encountered before. The elements cohered convincingly; she seemed both entirely new and somehow long-anticipated. For me at nineteen, the show was an epiphany.
Springtime 1976, I was living in the cinderblock building on the glorified median strip there where they split Highway 13, and one day I went over to this one girl’s apartment, she lived right by the guy who dealt me speed, and she said, “Hey, you know who you remind me of? You remind me of Patti Smith!”
Gave her a possum grin I’m still grinning.
headline of the day, II
Toilet gaming technology targets urinal boredom
Keeping with a theme…
Enough with the “he just can’t seem to leave the seat down”. Why *can’t* there be a gender neutral position for that porcelain receptacle? Leaving it “lid down” means both men and women must take pains to be courteous. Discuss(t).
tweet of the day
Update: Point. Counterpoint.
from the comments
Silly Derek. If you’d been a native Italian speaker, you would have asked “Could I get a glass of urine’s, please?”
If someone else were posting this, it would be titled For Cindy
weehuggers
Alicia is researching cloth diapers for Levi and thought this video was something the flock might enjoy.
“Oh, go fuck yourself”
That such brutal language as “You cock-sucking son of a bitch!” “You prick-eating bastard!” “You cunt-lapping dog!” “Kiss my ass, you son of a bitch!” “A dog must have fucked your mother when she made you!” “I fucked your mother, you sister, your wife!” “I’ll make you suck my ass!” “You cock-sucker!” and many other revolting terms are used by a limited number of players to intimidate umpires and opposing players, and are promiscuously used upon the ball field, is vouched for by the almost unanimous assertion of those invited to speak, and who are competent to speak from personal knowledge. Whether it be the language quoted above, or some other indecent and infamous invention of depravity, the League is pledged to remove it from the ball field, whether it necessitates the removal of the offender for a day or for all time. Any indecent or obscene word, sentence, or expression, unfit for print or the human ear, whether mentioned in these instructions or not, is contemplated under the law and within its intent and meaning, and will be dealt with without fear or favor when the fact is established by conclusive proof.
This may or may not be an actual memo sent to Major League Baseball players in 1898 as part of a campaign to eradicate foul language from the game, but who gives a fuck, you worthless ball licker?
(via the browser)
headline of the day
Poopy peeper explains why he’s not a perv
from the comments
Here in Texas, gas is free and comes out of our dicks.
A Toilet Room.
Natural Food Conservatory. Niagara, New York. [Between 1900 and 1906.]
More archival images of bathrooms, please.
(Note: The Natural Food Conservatory was one of the names of the company that made Shredded Wheat cereal. In 1928 the company was sold to what became Nabisco.)
headline of the day
You Make Better Decisions When You Gotta Go
Public Restrooms
A nice photo gallery of restrooms in the Atlantic; also a new book Toilet: Public Restrooms and the Politics of Sharing.
If you have Parkinson’s, pee like a girl
Signage spotted in the bathroom of a restaurant somewhere in Puglia (in the heel of Italy) … it says “if you suffer from Parkinson’s disease then sit down”:
I had no idea Parkinson’s was contagious, let alone transmitted through urine.
Also, the yellow sign above it I’m assuming reflects the Arabic influence of Puglia (only in Muslim countries have I noticed footprints on toilet seats).
(Mostly I’m posting this just to beef up the Piss category).
The Bad Sex Awards, 2010
And this one only made the short list:
“Love me!” she moaned lustily. “Oh, Ward! Love me now!”
He jumped out from his pajama pants so acrobatically it was like a stunt from Cirque du Soleil. But when he went to remove her slip, she said, “Leave it!” which turned him on even more. He buried his face into Hannah’s cunt like a wanderer who’d found water in the desert. She tasted like a hot biscuit flavored with pee.
– Adam Ross, Mr. Peanut
headline of the day, II
TSA Chief Apologizes to Airline Passenger Soaked in Urine After Pat-Down
from the comments
I actually was told today that there is a use for MALE urine to keep pesties from bothering your garden. Apparently they are not the least bit intimidated by female urine. The male of the human species being considered ultimate predators by rabbits and other creatures that like to nibble on lettuce and what have you. I have not verified this. I may have the Iowan be a test subject, though.
FedEx Regulations
prohibit the transportation of urine in an uncapped receptacle.
This is WHAT NOT TO DO.
A Pee Shute, But, Not As We Know It!
The Male External Catheter. The external catheter is worn just like a condom. It is latex free, and made of silicone so there is no chance of a latex infection. It is lined with adhesive much like a band aid. When worn properly the male external will not leak or come off. Since every man is different the male externals come in 5 different sizes. And yes in this particular case size is important, but all one needs to do is to print out the SIZING GUIDE, cut out the half moons, and there is no guessing. This is a girth measurement, and has nothing to do with length.
Poop Story
Porky Piggin’ it means wearing only a T-shirt.
Cluster Lore
The initial reference to a pee chute.
Don’t piss your pants. Piss in this awesome metaphorical creek.
A while back I wrote about the minor bloodbath at my workplace. Lots of people lost their jobs; the ickiness was as gummy as shit-flavored melty jujubees. And Van Halen.
A few weeks later, someone embedded in the upper echelons of management sent out this morale-booster of a message, essentially telling the kiddie pool that they shouldn’t play “telephone”. Listen here, old boy, rumors and ickiness, like your soiled pull-ups, are bad for the class. Let’s see if a water metaphor makes it easier for you:
He said, “Think about going to the woods with a creek running through it. Look into the water and focus on nothing but the running water and you begin to see all the underlying elements in the creek, the rocks, the small fish, branches and all of a sudden the whole creek becomes crystal clear.”
I get why the reduction was necessary. I get that life goes on. Just don’t talk to me like I’m Donny: I have a frame of reference, motherfucker.
I kept this ridiculous email in the books, thinking it would be a useful reminder of the lateral bounds of stupidity. It must now be purged onto the pillowy bosom of Clusterflock!!
-Ronya
made-up story
I once knew a guy who wouldn’t let himself piss while he was taking a shit because he didn’t want to pee like a girl.
Dear Clusterflock
I always wanted a gold tooth.
So, when I got a temporary crown put in today by my new dentist, (to replace the awful “permanent” one my old dentist put in, you see) I ask about getting a gold crown. With the old one, I didn’t know how things worked so when they put the awful one in, I didn’t know when to ask about whether I could get a gold one until it was too late.
So, this time I ask. And I’d have to pay $800 extra because my insurance considers it cosmetic. She tells me that it would last longer and that ordinarily they don’t ask if people want gold for their teeth near the front. So, I fume while she matches the shade of porcelain I’m going to end up getting. Am I detecting an ethnic bias in the policies of my dental insurance provider or is this just standard serving up lemon jello and telling me it’s dessert Ticketmaster doublespeak?
