Facebook Parenting
Nasty Doritos
Super Bowl Party Checklist
Michael Smith: Meatless chili (some ground meat substitute, beer, espresso, broth, spices, peppers, tofu, onion, and garlic).
Deron Bauman: Gluten-free vegan nachos.
Sheila Ryan: Refreshing lemon dessert.
Or: New England vs. Manhattan clam chowder.
offer: 12 boxes of hamburger helper
Posted to Dubuque Freecycle list:
I have 12 boxes of hamburger helper flavors we didn’t care for. If interested please send contact info and time available for pickup in Dubuque.
Dear Clusterflock
86-ed?
“Oh, go fuck yourself”
That such brutal language as “You cock-sucking son of a bitch!” “You prick-eating bastard!” “You cunt-lapping dog!” “Kiss my ass, you son of a bitch!” “A dog must have fucked your mother when she made you!” “I fucked your mother, you sister, your wife!” “I’ll make you suck my ass!” “You cock-sucker!” and many other revolting terms are used by a limited number of players to intimidate umpires and opposing players, and are promiscuously used upon the ball field, is vouched for by the almost unanimous assertion of those invited to speak, and who are competent to speak from personal knowledge. Whether it be the language quoted above, or some other indecent and infamous invention of depravity, the League is pledged to remove it from the ball field, whether it necessitates the removal of the offender for a day or for all time. Any indecent or obscene word, sentence, or expression, unfit for print or the human ear, whether mentioned in these instructions or not, is contemplated under the law and within its intent and meaning, and will be dealt with without fear or favor when the fact is established by conclusive proof.
This may or may not be an actual memo sent to Major League Baseball players in 1898 as part of a campaign to eradicate foul language from the game, but who gives a fuck, you worthless ball licker?
(via the browser)
It’s worth waiting for
Joyce McKinney calls Pete Ashton
In honor of the impending release of Errol Morris’s Tabloid, I give you Joyce McKinney’s call to Pete Ashton.
Update: clusterflock’s visit from Joyce.
Flannery’s beer finds
You would think it would be an old guy like me giving my daughter tips about good beers–but for a while now it has been the other way around. She says, “Try one of these.” I take a sip and think damn, and I’ve been drinking that other shit.
How to move a 100 year old church
This is so clusterflock it hurts. (via ★jkottke)
Law librarian out of context
From the law librarian’s life-life rather than her work life:
Daddy [pointing to the border collie which he has lost faith in]: “Tha’ dumbass ain’t got no more sense than a turnip. He ain’t no more a registered border collie than I am.”
Librarian: “Whad’ee do this time?”
Daddy: “Aaawww, ‘ee went down the road t’ Joyce’s house, where them new renters is livin and got t’fightin eez dog. An tha fool tried t’ pull em apart an got eez arm ripped up.” [look of contempt] “I mean, goddamn. Yer a grown ass man. An’ you doan know not to git between two dawgs? Shit.”
Librarian: “So then wha happened?”
Daddy: “Well, tha stupid sumbitch kep callin me an callin me can leavin messages on m’phone whinin bout rabies. So I got sicka tha shit an I drove over there.”
Librarian: “Yeah.”
Daddy: “An win I got over there ‘ee said ‘I’m sorry we have to be introduced in this situation.’ I said, ‘I ain’t got no situation. I tole ya over the phone tha eez gotta rabies shot. So I kin either leave ‘eem ‘ere fer you t’see if ‘ee develops rabies, er I kin put im in the truck an drive home.”
Librarian: “So thin what happened?”
Daddy: “I grabbed im an wint home.”
Librarian: “Did tha guy keep callin ya? What happened t’ him?”
Daddy: “I doan know. Eee coulda died a rabies fer all the fuck I know. I jus wanted to make sure tha he knew tha I was not concerned about it.”
David Guthartz: Hello, Mr. Giuliani, we speak again.
SC reminded us in comments:
I had a powerful Republican moment watching those clips. I couldn’t help but think of Guiliani’s infamous radio rant about ferret owners….
From the transcript:
There is something really, really, very sad about you. You need help. You need somebody to help you. I know you feel insulted by that, but I’m being honest with you. This excessive concern with little weasels is a sickness.
Your business card sucks
Don’t miss the rebuttal.
…it’s like riding a wire fence
Daryl & Cindy–Christmas Letter
We have been in El Paso all week, and Cindy has been sick the whole time. We meant to send out Christmas cards while there but didn’t plan for the task very well. Here’s this year’s Christmas letter:
Mary Christmas from Randy Taylor and the rest of us,
We went out last night for a Christmas tree and ended up having to shoot some people. That can put a damper on the holidays, but it’s not the end of everything if it happens in Texas. We went to buy it down by the tamale place. The boys had got into their presents early like they do and were in the backseat loading and unloading them. When the police came they were real nice and helped us get the tree into the back of the Tahoe. They felt bad that we had this happen to us in the middle of a family tradition. This fellow pushing a stolen shopping cart full of frozen turkeys he had also stole got a little too close to the car with his friends, and you know how you have to act fast with carjackers. Bobby got one of the frozen turkeys that hadn’t got anything on it, but I made him put it back. That’s not what we believe in. When we got home Paula cooked us some scrambled eggs and that venison sausage I’m having made for us now. It’s been a hard year. First the Pastor getting too handy with Paula, then the internet thing going all venereal about my complaint to the Jimmy Dean sausage factory that the sons of bitches recorded and let out all over the goddam world. Then Mama dead and cremated in January and Rusty finds a bone in the urn, sharpens it, and stabs Daddy with it. And then Bobby nor Donny either one making the football team because of grades. I almost didn’t let them go deer hunting this year, but I think it does no good to punish kids in unchristian ways. And Paula likes to catch up on praying when we’re gone anyway. I don’t know what the deal is with Vanna. She turned twelve and can dress herself now.
Anyway, I got the tree out and up and lighted and the target deer look real good out front of the house since I used spackle and brown shoe polish to cover the holes.
This is all I want to write about now. I hope everybody will think hard about how worse it could be and have a good Christmas. Okay then—bye. RT
Ode to My Subconscious III
The Rent Is Too Damn High Party
As a karate expert I will not talk about anyone up here.
Flannery’s Squirrel Shrine
This squirrel looked like a character in a cartoon flattened by a steam roller. I begged her to take a picture and she did!
quote out of context
Swagger transforms unfresh men into legends of confidence.
Another Randy Taylor
You might remember that Jonathan Taylor Thomas played Randy Taylor on the show Home Improvement. Don’t you think it’s weird that his two child co-stars also had three names? Zachery Ty Bryan and Taran Noah Smith.
Men of Ministry
Let’s go find Randy Taylor and look at him
Ode to My Subconscious II
An Interview with Phil Davison
“My speech last night — I knew it might be a little over the edge, but that’s how I felt at the time,” Davison said. “If it spurs someone to go on and say, ‘You know what, I want to go up there and talk like that too, I want to make a difference, I want to get involved in my community.’ If it affects one person in a positive way, then it was worth it.”
If you haven’t seen it: his speech last night.
‘Does anyone know if this article is more interesting if your stoned?’
The comments on this one are fun.
“Some scientists have speculated that effects of humans”
The scientists are just guessing like we are. No one knows excepted the one who created it: “GOD”.
Relax..and enjoy life whatever GOD give to you before he takes away from you!
That got four thumbs up, one down.
