Redemption
Sorry I’ve been quiet of late. I have much to share that may or may not be of interest to ‘flockers, but this glimpse into the mind of my late Uncle Ray (through a letter to his friend Jim) may provoke:
The once “Bro. Jim”,
After prayer and meditation the Lord, in His wisdom and compassion, has led me to extend the hand of civility and forgiveness to you who have fallen so far from the fold. But I do not want to place undue emphasis on how far you have fallen or the depths of your depravity but rather on the Hope that shines eternal through His grace and redemptive power. It is truly grace because you, of all people, have through your sins, blasphemies and contemptuous behavior, earned an eternity in hell. If you escape your destiny only grace can account for it. It warms my heart to extend a gracious welcome back to the fraternity of the true believers, the promise keepers if you will. All you need to do is open your heart. It matters not that you reek of fish, gin, campsmoke and possibly loose women (could not tell from the fish odor) so long as you are sincere in your confession of sin.
Come as you are as we softly sing “Just As I Am”.
You cannot imagine how my heart swells to see a sinner return to the Truth as I see it. You should be aware that the Lord’s forgiveness is complete and total but mine is more exacting. Lacking the supernatural powers to see into your heart, I must judge by outward behavior. You would serve your rehabilitation well by inviting Joyce and me up to a Cardinal game before the season is over. That would be a splendid sign of an intent to climb out of the cesspool of degradation and self-elevation that you have inhabited.
You were once a good boy. I’ve been told that. By you, but it was convincing at the time. Open your heart. Accept this lifeline. Put on the raiments of salvation and join me when we celebrate for an eternity. Just put your hand on the computer and say “Bro. Ray intercede for me because I am lost and unworthy but I want to be found and redeemed.”
Jesus and I patiently wait,
Bro. Ray
Spiritual Warrior
These letters keep my dear Uncle alive for me. I hope you enjoy them too.
There’s an Explanation for That
Vice Magazine, like everyone else, is checking the Creation Museum off of their to-do list. The above snapshot is from the museum’s explanation regarding the inevitable incest that would befall the family of a literal Adam & Eve.
It seems like science you could hang your hat on.
It’s lonely in the modern world.
Even in your company, I feel so alone. (Dwell, September 2009.)
Unhappy Hipsters. (Thanks, Kate.)
the first legal male prostitute
I think for a male, if you want to be successful in this type of venture, you’re not a prostitute. You’re a surrogate lover. You encompass everything that’s required of you—not only emotionally, physically—but psychologically. Because women are wired differently. They’re much more sensitive creatures. You actually have to enjoy what you do. You can’t necessarily say, “Oh, it’s just a job.” You actually have to say it’s a passion. I think it’s the same situation as with anything that happens when you break apart a social institution. There has to be some kind of change in terminology to describe persons like myself. And it’s more of a civil rights thing now. Basically this is the first time in the economy of the United States that a male has actually stood up and said, “I want to do this for a living.” And be protected under law to do it. It’s just the same as when Rosa Parks decided to sit at the front instead of the back. She was proclaiming her rights as a disadvantaged, African-American older woman. And I’m doing the same. I’m actually standing up now, and hopefully I can be supported by the male community and be understood as a person. This actually isn’t about selling my body. This is about changing social norms.
Congratulations.
(via marginal revolution)
Not Nearly Perishable
I’m not one of those boutique survivalists. You know the type: the ones who buy up every case of expensive thirty-year shelf life turkey chili they can find, and then gorge on it secretly, pre-Armageddon, while they’re alone watching Seinfeld reruns. They don their radiation suits and prance around in front of full-length mirrors. Drop water-purification tablets into bottles of Perrier. Fucking posers.
seppukoo.com
It offers ritual suicide for Facebook users in five easy steps.
For Andrew.
You said “Til death do us part”. You’re not dead yet.
2010 California Marriage Protection Act
Safeguarding marriage from the evils of divorce
Public Option Annie
From the Billionaires for Wealthcare folks.
Background here.
Anal Sex According to the Word of God
a) I wish this weren’t satire.
b) I wish I could read the comments generated by the contact form at the bottom of the page.
Also:
The sex act called fisting is a source of confusion and misconceptions for many Christians.
Billionaires for Wealthcare
For Cindy.
What Would Don Draper Do?
This blog nails the tone of Mad Men’s Don Draper, with his little rambly sentences, pitch perfect.
82. Dear Don Draper, What do you look for in an evening of theatre?
The easiest way out. If it’s a musical, the nearest.
Say No To Socialism
I saw a link to this image capture on Twitter. It made me laugh.
Happy Fourth Y’all
The Gubler
It’s hard to explain precisely what this is, but I find it beyond brilliant. Matthew Gray Gubler is an actor, mostly known for his work on the TV show Criminal Minds. He made a series of documentaries about his life, and presented them as if someone else had made them. They are strange, and hilarious. The first one’s all right, but as they go on, they get better and better. More after the jump.
Spoken in Tongues II
To etot oe
Dan cingve ryclose
Bar elybre at hing
Alm ostco mato se
Wall tow all
Pe opleh yp not ised
Andt heyres teppin glightly
Han geach nigh tinrapt ure
Backt ob ack
Sac rail iac
Spin elessmo vement
An dawil dat tack
Facet of ace
Sad lyso litu de
An ditsfin gerpop ping
Twen tyf our hours hop pin ginrapt ure
Fabfi vefred diet old meeve ryb odyshigh
Djs spinninares avin mym ind
Flas hisfast flas hi scool
Franco issez fas flas henodo
Andy oudont stopsu reshot
Goo uttot hepar king lot
Andy ouget inyo urca randy oudri vereal far
Andy oudri ve allnigh tandt hen youse ealight
And itco mesright dow nand land sont heg round
And outco mesam anfrom mars
Andy outry tor unbut hesgo tagun
Andhes hootsyo udea dan dhee atsyou rhead
Andt hen you reint hem anfrom mars
Yo ugo outat nigh teatinc ars
Youe atcad il lacslinc olnstoo
Mercu rie sand suba rus
Andy oudont stopy oukeepo neat incars
The nwhent her esnomo recars
Yougo outat nigh tandea tupbars wher ethepe opleme et
Facet of ace dan ceche ektoche ek
Onet oonem antom an
Dan ceto etot oe
Dontmo vetoos low causet hem anfrom mars
Isth rough with carsh esea tinbars
Ye ahwall towall do ortodo or hall toh all
Hesgon nae at emall
Rapt ureb epu re
Takeat ourth rough thesewer
Donts train yo urb rain pain tatrain
Yo ullbe sin gin int herain
Isa id donts top dop unkrock
Wellno wyous eew hatyo uwan nabe
Jus thav eyo urpar tyon tv
Ca use them anfrom mars wonteat upbar swhen thetv son
Andno whesgo neback uptos pace
Wher ehew ontha veahass lewith thehum anra ce
And youhi phopand yo udonts top
Just blas toffs ures hot
Ca uset hem anfrom mars stoppe deat incar sand eatin bars
Andno wheon lyeats guitarsge tup
Deluxe Hugs $2.00
(via marginal revolution)
I don’t get it
It’s one thing that conservatives don’t know that Stephen Colbert is satire; it’s entirely another to suggest that the show proves confirmation bias in both conservatives and liberals.
This study investigated biased message processing of political satire in The Colbert Report and the influence of political ideology on perceptions of Stephen Colbert. Results indicate that political ideology influences biased processing of ambiguous political messages and source in late-night comedy. Using data from an experiment (N = 332), we found that individual-level political ideology significantly predicted perceptions of Colbert’s political ideology. Additionally, there was no significant difference between the groups in thinking Colbert was funny, but conservatives were more likely to report that Colbert only pretends to be joking and genuinely meant what he said while liberals were more likely to report that Colbert used satire and was not serious when offering political statements. Conservatism also significantly predicted perceptions that Colbert disliked liberalism. Finally, a post hoc analysis revealed that perceptions of Colbert’s political opinions fully mediated the relationship between political ideology and individual-level opinion.
Don’t forget to say your prayers.
Chapel. American military base. Gournes, Crete. iPhone. Phil Bebbington. 2009.
Hello . . . I told you never to call me here; don’t you know where I am?
The World Needs More of This Kind o’ Irony
Midlife Banking Crisis
If I “borrow” something from you, at the time I receive it I really, really intend to give it back. It’s still yours — you’ll simply never see it again. When I ask my next-door neighbor if I can use his Husqvarna chainsaw, I always, well, almost never, return it. “Stealing” denotes acquisition through violence or sneakiness; “borrowing” is defined by unreasonable expectations of repatriation.
Excerpts from the Future Testimony of Harriet Miers and Karl Rove
MS. MIERS: I have no recollection of that conversation.
MR. ROVE: Could you repeat the question, Congressman?
MS. MIERS: I don’t remember.
MR. ROVE: Are you referring to the first President Bush or the second?
Fashion Week: As Luck Would Have It
The past thirty days have not been my best. It’s hard to focus on my work, or even on the possible reasons why I might not be able to focus on my work. Everything I eat tastes like aspirin and chalk. I can’t digest food or important information.
Brush Off the Fuzz and Dig In
Special Report — Today’s special: salmonella ‘n’ jelly sandwiches and tainted milk. Your choice of side dish includes cultured mayonnaise rind, fruit roll-up kimchee, or refrigerator-blackened cherry tomatoes.
Is the nation’s food supply at risk or are people just belly-aching?
You’re Full of It, Says Manure Industry
New York, NY — What a load. Hits the fan. Runs downhill. A lying sack of it.
Enough is enough, according to manure processors and resellers. Image is everything when it comes to marketplace perceptions, and the much-maligned poop business has decided to litigate for respect if it can’t earn it.
“It’s impossible to turn on the TV or use a computer without being bombarded by flawed examples harmful to our hard-earned brand equity,” Manure Trade Association president Raymond Tonewell said in a press release. “Gov. Rod Blagojevich, former Merrill Lynch CEO John Thain, indicted broker Bernard Madoff — calling one of these guys ‘the biggest pile of feces’ damages our product’s reputation.”
Today’s lesson . . .
is taken from the film version of The Ruling Class. Excerpts (assorted).