The latest Gallup Poll on American Whatever You Want to Call This
Four in 10 Americans, slightly fewer today than in years past, believe God created humans in their present form about 10,000 years ago. Thirty-eight percent believe God guided a process by which humans developed over millions of years from less advanced life forms, while 16%, up slightly from years past, believe humans developed over millions of years, without God’s involvement.
Glenn Beck believes in four insane things before breakfast
Missed in the brouhaha over Sarah Palin’s verbal flub about our North Korean “allies,” and much more telling:
According to host Glenn Beck’s own transcript, Beck’s very next utterance was to proclaim that the “mystery” jet contrail recently seen in California (explained weeks ago [even by Fox News online] as almost certainly an optical illusion created by still air and a jet contrail from a known UPS delivery flight) was in fact a secret two-stage missile launch by the Chinese government to assert their power over America, “sending a signal that the world has changed.”
Beck then went on to state that the Chinese “control the world.”
Whoop whoop!
(F-booked by Jeff Ventura.)
(Sigh)
Sarah Palin went on Glenn Beck’s radio show to discuss the current situation on the Korean peninsula:
CO-HOST: How would you handle a situation like the one that just developed in North Korea? [...]
PALIN: But obviously, we’ve got to stand with our North Korean allies. We’re bound to by treaty –
CO-HOST: South Korean.
PALIN: Eh, Yeah. And we’re also bound by prudence to stand with our South Korean allies, yes.
Italics mine.
(via)
And another.
32 year old Real Estate Agent’s dating profile:
The one thing I wish MORE people would notice about me:
that I lived in Italy for One year and speak some ItalianThe first thing people notice about me:
My voice is not loudSome additional information I want you to know:
None
headline of the day, II
AZ Town’s New Trash Plan Reeks Of Socialism
Has it Ever Happened to You
I’ve been wondering about something.
I still remember the awkward times. I had decided to leave my tomboy self behind, but it wasn’t an easy transition. One night, I was roller skating fast and hard with Cyn at a church social. The boy called me over. He was one of a group of new people at the church. They went to a different high school, I did not really know them.
I remember smiling as I skated to him, probably with a flourish. My brother’s girlfriend and family owned the rink. I was a little bit of a showboat.
His voice was deep, smooth, quiet, the words devastating. “You are the ugliest girl I’ve ever seen. We all think that. You don’t seem to know it, so, we thought we’d let you know.” My smile drained away. I thought something had gone wrong with my ears, I could no longer hear. He kept looking back over his shoulder at his friends. I remember finally pulling my quivering voice from a deep hidey hole inside and shoving it out of my mouth. “Who cares,” I said, twirling around, pushing off.
Cyn and I skated around each other like fish in water. I told her. She did not go to my church, she was a visitor that night. She did not believe in God, in church, or anybody who made a big deal about them. In her eyes, God, if he existed, had killed her father, or allowed him to die, at the age of 38. So my report, to Cyn, didn’t make much of an impression. She knew how to deal with people like that. “They’re a bunch of big idiots,” she said.
that word, you keep using it, I do not think it means what you think it means
Virginia Thomas, wife of Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas, left this message on the voice mail of Anita Hill, the woman who testified against Thomas at his nomination hearing for sexual harassment.
“Good morning Anita Hill, it’s Ginni Thomas,” it said. “I just wanted to reach across the airwaves and the years and ask you to consider something. I would love you to consider an apology sometime and some full explanation of why you did what you did with my husband.”
Ms. Thomas went on: “So give it some thought. And certainly pray about this and hope that one day you will help us understand why you did what you did. O.K., have a good day.”
When asked if she really left the message, Virgina Thomas said:
“I did place a call to Ms. Hill at her office extending an olive branch to her after all these years, in hopes that we could ultimately get past what happened so long ago,” she said. “That offer still stands. I would be very happy to meet and talk with her if she would be willing to do the same. Certainly no offense was ever intended.”
Do we need a cunt category?
“dude, it’s changing colors”
(there is a bit of NSFW language)
found on The Toilet Book, a Tumblr dedicated to… toilets
Strange But Charmed
A lawsuit filed by Walter Wagner in 2008 claiming the LHC would destroy at least Earth was rejected by a Hawaiian court. Wagner’s inevitable appeal fared as poorly:
…A United States District Court Appellate Judge has ruled that Wagner has failed to establish any “credible threat of harm,” writing, “At most, Wagner has alleged that experiments at the Large Hadron Collider (the ‘Collider’) have ‘potential adverse consequences.’ Speculative fear of future harm does not constitute an injury in fact sufficient to confer standing.”
And even if he had established a credible threat of harm, the judge noted that the U.S. has no control over the operation of the LHC, which is owned, managed and controller entirely by CERN. “The U.S. government enjoys only observer status on the CERN council, and has no control over CERN or its operations,” the judge wrote. “Accordingly, the alleged injury, destruction of the Earth, is in no way attributable to the U.S. government’s failure to draft an environmental impact statement.“
(via the Escapist)
The Tea Party
quote out of context
This Statue of Liberty was gifted to us by foreign leaders, really as a warning to us, it was a warning to us to stay unique and to stay exceptional from other countries. Certainly not to go down the path of other countries that adopted socialist policies.
further proof of the impending apocalypse
Are you a super outgoing and fun-loving Russian-American that sometimes sneaks kalbaska, pel’meni and vodka from the fridge? Can people hear the Euro/Techno/Russian music blasting from your car before they see you pull up? Do you attend birthday parties at Russian restaurants every weekend? If so, we may want to cast you for a new reality TV show that centers around a group of Russian-American strangers living together in a house on the shores of Brighton Beach for a summer.
(via Brighton Beach)
Overheard
Two male students, late teens/early 20s, sitting on a retaining wall–scoping out the passing babes. I have given them names:
Bob: Whoa!
Jack: No.
Bob: What about her?
Jack: Nope. Vegetarian.
Bob: What a waste.
two wrongs
via Backcountry
let’s make August Stupid American Month
Every August something happens that reminds me just how stupid America has become. This month is full of fresh reminders of our dwindling National intelligence.
Brave but foolish, he was soaked by the explosion of water
Don’t piss your pants. Piss in this awesome metaphorical creek.
A while back I wrote about the minor bloodbath at my workplace. Lots of people lost their jobs; the ickiness was as gummy as shit-flavored melty jujubees. And Van Halen.
A few weeks later, someone embedded in the upper echelons of management sent out this morale-booster of a message, essentially telling the kiddie pool that they shouldn’t play “telephone”. Listen here, old boy, rumors and ickiness, like your soiled pull-ups, are bad for the class. Let’s see if a water metaphor makes it easier for you:
He said, “Think about going to the woods with a creek running through it. Look into the water and focus on nothing but the running water and you begin to see all the underlying elements in the creek, the rocks, the small fish, branches and all of a sudden the whole creek becomes crystal clear.”
I get why the reduction was necessary. I get that life goes on. Just don’t talk to me like I’m Donny: I have a frame of reference, motherfucker.
I kept this ridiculous email in the books, thinking it would be a useful reminder of the lateral bounds of stupidity. It must now be purged onto the pillowy bosom of Clusterflock!!
-Ronya
The explosions will not happen for 10, 15, 20 years.
I can’t get enough of this Gohmert dude. It’s like he’s impersonating himself. To a hilarious and fearsome result.
For Deron
Since I’ve already rubbed citrus dessert into his wounds, why not go whole hog:
The thing is, in this family we take the philosophies of Ayn Rand seriously. We conspicuously reward ourselves for our own hard work, we never give to charity, and we only pay our taxes very, very begrudgingly.
E=mc2, liberal conspiracy
The theory of relativity is a mathematical system that allows no exceptions. It is heavily promoted by liberals who like its encouragement of relativism and its tendency to mislead people in how they view the world.
Cluster Bomb: Rick Neece
I first learned I had no clue what the world was about in nursery school at the age of four or five. (I was shamed for spending too much time on the toilet. Not that that was all it was about.) I became socially repressed and a near complete introvert until I was 17 years old when my family moved to Arkansas–the birthplace of my folks.
When I started High School, in 1969, three years before the move, I was five-foot tall and weighed 160 pounds. I was a round boy and a big sissy. These two things brought me a notoriety I did not care for. Consequently, I sought every opportunity to ‘step away’ from those around me by burying my nose in a book and hiding in a corner or behind a chair.
Read more
Dear Clusterflock
I always wanted a gold tooth.
So, when I got a temporary crown put in today by my new dentist, (to replace the awful “permanent” one my old dentist put in, you see) I ask about getting a gold crown. With the old one, I didn’t know how things worked so when they put the awful one in, I didn’t know when to ask about whether I could get a gold one until it was too late.
So, this time I ask. And I’d have to pay $800 extra because my insurance considers it cosmetic. She tells me that it would last longer and that ordinarily they don’t ask if people want gold for their teeth near the front. So, I fume while she matches the shade of porcelain I’m going to end up getting. Am I detecting an ethnic bias in the policies of my dental insurance provider or is this just standard serving up lemon jello and telling me it’s dessert Ticketmaster doublespeak?
Bought Silence, Bought Speech
LONDON (AFP) – The head of the American Association of Professors accused BP Friday of trying to buy the silence of scientists and academics to protect itself after the Gulf oil spill, in a BBC interview.
“This is really one huge corporation trying to buy faculty silence in a comprehensive way,” said Cary Nelson.
Puppet factories: depending upon respect for argumentation while undermining its better uses. What methods are best for confronting the results of such efforts, when charges of hypocricy and bias are immediately knocked down by the rushing flood of tendentious speech?
Only In Texas
A unique loophole in a new security procedure means a gun permit is like a special-access pass into the domed building, allowing people who are certified to carry a gun to bypass lines at the metal detectors that were set up after a shooting incident earlier this year.
“Nobody wants to be the one standing in line behind three hundred kids wearing the same colored T-shirt,” said University of Texas political scientist Jim Henson. “If you’re trying to get in and out really quick and there’s going to be choke points, well, people don’t want to have to deal with that.”
It’s a fascinating line of logic they’re using.
Dear Clusterflock
Yesterday I walked out to my car to find the side of it covered in black spray paint. On the sidewalk next to my vehicle there was a cop, several witnesses, and three boys who looked to be about eight, nine and twelve. The little dummies had stolen a can of auto primer from a store and were running around in the broad daylight painting stuff, my car being the main target. I was annoyed, of course, but it was also kind of funny to see a group of kids being dumb like this and getting caught. The officer took down everyone’s info, took the perpetrators home to their parents, and I took the spray paint off my car pretty easily with rubbing alcohol, so no harm done. Hopefully this will be one of the stupidest things they ever do. But the incident got me wondering: what kind of idiocy did my now civil and intelligent friends get into when they were young and stupid? So how about it flockers? Got any good stories of incredible youthful idiocy?
