Bad Aphorisms
Dare to hope, aspire to succeed, strive to excel, stop making so many to-do lists.
You are most likely unaware of how many problems you face, and that’s a big problem.
Poised at the brink of precipitous disaster, a man must pull back and consider taking the long way around or perhaps a bridge.
That which does not kill you probably left a trail of evidence and is fully prosecutable.
A scoped rifle and a clock tower will get you onto the evening news.
Fight for what you believe, and fail at it. Get up and try again. By the third time, reconsider your commitment to such a stupid idea.
Throughout history there have been moments like these when we must reflect on history.
Never open with a funny story. You’re not very good at it.
dear clusterflock
Google alternatives.
Update: Why Google is ditching search
photo out of context
from the comments
Also, I learned a very important lesson: no beard jokes at web conferences. It’s like prodding at a shibboleth.
Occupy Portland has developed a tactic to keep a park when the police decide to enforce an eviction
Occupy Portland stumbled on a way to use the tactical superiority of the local police department, and by extension, the fluidity of the crowd, against them.
On December 3rd, we took a park and were driven out of it by riot police; that much made the news. What the media didn’t report is that we re-took the park later that same evening, and the police realized that it would be senseless to attempt to clear it again, so they packed up their military weaponry and left. Occupy Portland has developed a tactic to keep a park when the police decide to enforce an eviction.
The tactical evolution that evolved relies on two military tactics that are thousands of years old — the tactical superiority of light infantry over heavy infantry, and the tactical superiority of the retreat over the advance.
The whole article is worth a read, and nicely summarizes Occupy Portland’s serendipitous tactical breakthrough.
(thanks, Joel)
Go Bury Money, Like Now
I’m sharing a New Year’s tradition aimed at drawing wealth to you. I have no idea about its origins.
Take a bill or some coins and put the money in a plastic bag. The amount does not matter. Bury it outside your front door while saying, “I am burying my poverty.” Mark it with a stone or something you can find the next day. Seriously, people have not been able to find their buried money the next day. Do this on New Year’s Eve, before midnight. Then, on January 1, dig up the money while saying, “I am uncovering my wealth.” Do this anytime during the 24-hour period on New Year’s Day.
If you don’t have ground outside your door, not to worry, take a pot and bury your money there and place it outside your door or on the balcony. If that doesn’t work, take a bowl and cover the money with a wash cloth and put it beside the door. This is about symbolism and intent. Do not spend the money, ever. Put it away. Some say that if you spend the buried money, you’ll lose money.
If you follow these instructions, unexpected money will show up for you in the next year. Maybe because I believe, this always happens for me. Always. At least in the years the Iowan has not found, and spent, my buried money. I have heard about people who eventually have taken stacks of buried money and donated it to a good cause. For instance, they have donated it to a church or favorite charity and report all is well.
Or you could leave it tucked away in its individual sandwich bags in a hope chest or drawer. And laugh to think about what your heirs will think to find it.
you are going to need this eventually…
for that email or IM conversation, I just know it.
Reflections on a Respiratory Infection
I coughed so long. I coughed so hard. Deron asked, “How are your ribs?” “Not as good as the ones at Hardeman’s,” I said. Not nearly so good as the gas station tacos at the Sylvan Avenue Valero’s either.
And I wanted to do what the mother of my long-time friend Melanie did when Melanie was little and had a bad cold and a dripping nose. Melanie’s mom took one of those tiny paper baskets they put Jordan almonds in at weddings and attached a string loop to it, then taped the string to the bridge of Melanie’s nose and made a drip bucket so Melanie would no longer have to blow her nose raw.
Wreath this year…
I didn’t do a wreath for DIFFA this year. This one, I did at a client’s house this morning.
I hope they like it. The feathery greenery, painted silver, at the bottom the wreath: I couldn’t decide if it looked like hoar-frost or Santa’s beard, but it seemed terribly original.
tweet of the day
Wanted: Antlers
Posted to the Dubuque Freecycle list:
If anyone is going hunting, and has antlers that aren’t of ‘keeping’ size, I would greatly appreciate them. Deer, Elk, etc. Its the only thing that keeps the puppy from destroying the house with his teething.
thank you
tweet of the day
Poop Brush
This morning I noticed my toothbrush smelled like ass. I didn’t know what to do.
I didn’t exactly yank it out of my mouth right away. I was thinking.
When I removed the brush I looked at it for a time. Then I sniffed it. It smelled pretty high at the base. Pretty extremely fucking stinky. I thought am I in the movies?! Who the hell has put my toothbrush up their ass, and doesn’t this clown know the right way to insert it?
Ahem. Turns out there was a simple answer. The silver goblet thing that holds the toothbrush was full of a terrible solution. The smell was primordial. It almost knocked me out.
Tip: use a transparent container for your toothbrushes, or create new stinky life in the home. And when you rinse the mouth, rinse the container. Simples.
from the comments
I’m a dick grabber. Ask anyone.
tweet of the day
“do a barrel roll”
Go to Google.com and search for ”do a barrel roll”
You’re built like a car (You got a hubcap diamond-star halo)
Europeans have all the fun: lower drinking ages, funner beaches, easier lifestyles and . . . dinosaur skeletons having sex in their museums. This exhibit, which clearly shows two T-Rexes “mating”, is located in the Jurassic Museum of Asturias in Spain.
Via @leatherarchives.
tweet of the day, part II
quote out of context
Break into his house when he’s not home. Put truth serum in all of the liquids in his fridge. Make sure you’re around when he drinks something from his fridge. And, uh, don’t drink from there yourself, or you’ll end up telling him that he’s consumed truth serum and the gig’s up.
from the comments
I don’t think it’s ever OK to wear your ballcap backwards.
Except when giving head.
from the comments
Last night my long-time friend Allen shared his recollections of a Dallas children’s TV figure known as Uncle Tiny, whom he dubbed Uncle Tiny the Obscure, as none of the rest of our gang remembered the man. Allen recalled having seen Uncle Tiny in person at Kiest Park in Oak Cliff, where Uncle had “a small trick pitcher from which he poured a seemingly endless supply of 7-UP.” Allen was impressed. “Uncle Tiny was cool.”
Your mind will be blown
Three “perfect” self-contained sentences a day…
Tussel bore left on the wye West–North, West-northish. Nosing his old de Ville into wind-chill rushing across glacial tundra and down, from a thousand miles ahead. Forty-five miles an hour, nine miles a gallon, Tussel gripped the wheel, leaned into the accelerator, pressing the head-wind.
I already screwed up. They’re not “self-contained.”
this post is about football statistics
The first thing Romer did was analyze every fourth down during the first quarter of every NFL game between 1998 and 2000. (He had help from a computer program.) Then, he figured out the fluctuating value of a first down at each point on the football field. After all, a first down was more valuable for a team if it occurred on an opponents two yard line than on their own twenty yard line. The next thing Romer calculated was the statistical likelihood of going for it on fourth down under various circumstances and actually getting a first down. He also calculated the probability of kicking a successful field goal from various spots on the field.
from the comments
I’m not a sweets person either. Mashed potatoes and gravy. Turkey at Thanksgiving. Rolls. That’ll work. The secret with the sledgehammer is to let it do the work for you. You hold yourself still and let the hammer go. You guide it, like what do they say about how to hold a bird? Then, once a crack begins to open up, you guide the chisel to the hairline and open it. It splits as effortlessly as butter. Move to a new location. Repeat.
