President-Elect Obama: I Wasn’t Serious
Chicago, IL — The election of America’s first African-American Negro black president has been greeted enthusiastically by 53% of the U.S. population and almost universally by the rest of the world.
Stalwart Republican challenger Senator John McCain refused to admit defeat, however, and insisted he will keep campaigning “for a hundred years, if that’s what it takes.”
InBev Buys Fannie Mae, Freddie Mac
“Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac have endured troubled times lately,” said InBev CEO Carlos Brito, “but that will change now that they have joined our corporate family. A little tweaking, some layoffs — there is no limit to what we can achieve together.”
“We often make our expansion decisions based on brand equity,” Mr. Brito added. “However, in this particular case the first thing we will do is change those incredibly stupid company names.”
McCain Offers $300M Award for New Campaign Staff
“Most of my existing team receives great compensation from the various corporations for which they lobby,” said Mr. McCain, “but they still can’t keep my White House bid off the guardrails. I’ll miss them at first but I think I’ll get over it.”
