Get Rich Quick Scheme
Find the highest bridge over a river. Jump off the bridge. If you don’t die, the impact will turn the change in your pocket into dollar bills.
Pentagon Ends Tactical Fighter Leasing Program
Ordnance leasing became popular during the military boom years of the Eighties and early Nineties, thanks to turmoil in war-torn regions like Lebanon, Serbia, and Detroit. This strife created an unrealistic demand for capable weapons of mass destruction — a demand that has ultimately led to today’s unsustainably poor depreciation and low used-warhead resale values.
InBev Buys Fannie Mae, Freddie Mac
“Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac have endured troubled times lately,” said InBev CEO Carlos Brito, “but that will change now that they have joined our corporate family. A little tweaking, some layoffs — there is no limit to what we can achieve together.”
“We often make our expansion decisions based on brand equity,” Mr. Brito added. “However, in this particular case the first thing we will do is change those incredibly stupid company names.”
Depression Not So Great
New York, NY — Last Friday’s stock market near-crash sent waves of intestinal cramps rippling through the world’s investment community.
With the Dow Jones Industrial Average having lost more value than at any time post-1929 and reaching its lowest point in the past 22 months, the current financial crisis is taking a psychological and emotional toll on jittery investors.
